Woooof!

Well my friends my days of sleeping in, munching all day, watching Ellen Degeneres, and my afternoon reading time is coming to an end. Yes people, I found a job. I feel as though I have nothing much to say about it. However, when I interviewed my first impression was that I liked the place, everyone was really friendly, and that it would be fun to work with a lot of exotic animals. My first day is this Tuesday. Way nervous, but more hopeful for very good things.

So yes, I will miss having a bunch of free time on my hands, but lets face it - you can only be a bum for so long. I think what I will miss the most is my long trips to the Dog Park with the loves of my life Frankie and Reggie. I've found that the park is my happy place. I go and read while the dogs wrestle behind me. I will play fetch with Frankie, and chase Reggie around the park when he happens to get the ball (he loves a good game of keep away). I also have met some really great (and not so great) people there. I always have fun conversations, and have met a few friends a long the way.

This post is to the dogs and the great time I have there. I have come to look forward to seeing all these beautiful faces. I can't wait until the weather gets better, and I'll be able to go there and stay later in the day with the warm sun. I mean, how can you not get along with these beautiful creatures?

Although I may be working now, I'll still be making time to get to the park. I can't give up one of the great joys of my life.

P.S. I took all of those photos. Fairly proud of myself if you ask me. IT is never easy to get good pictures of dogs.

Valentine

Brandon set up a date for Valentine's this year. We went up to the homestead in Midway, and took a horse sleigh ride. I seriously had a blast. The day was beautiful, I'm obsessed with horses, and talked about dogs practically the entire time. How can V-day get better then that right?

Not only did we have a great time, Brandon left me sweet flowers, a mace gun (yes, a mace gun. I asked for one) and Lady GaGa little monster dolls. I think he knows me. Too well. 

It's just love.

Happy Birthday Mom!

I really dread this time of year. No matter what I do, I am never able to stop the day of my moms birth. This probably seems like a silly thing to dread, but I think it is actually worse being reminded of how old your mom would have been, then the day she actually died. 48 is just way too young. In fact if she were alive, I'd be exactly half her age right now. 

My family has a tradition that we get together on her birthday, go to her grave, sing happy birthday, and let balloons go in memory of her. I was just not into it this year. At all. And one of the saddest day's I've ever had - my family pulls through for me and I feel so much better.

My sis had a new idea to light paper lanterns in the air this time instead of balloons. It was actually really magical to watch them soar into the sky until you couldn't see them anymore. I watched them float into the air, and felt peace. I wish you could have been there, because it was breath taking.

Also, while leaving to get gas, my dad insisted on paying for it. I felt really humbled he would think to pay for my gas for my ride back to Salt Lake. While jobless, these are things I really don't take for granted. 

I also got home later that night, checked the mail and had a surprise waiting for me. Lyssa sent me a Valentine, with some major encouragement and some money to have fun with. Ugh, I just broke down and cried right there. Things just come to you at the right moment sometimes, and I wish I could give her and my dad something in return to thank them for helping me.

So one of the worst days of the year has become one of the best. I love being with my family, because I feel at home while around them. Nothing can replace that either. 

"Have hope, have faith, and try to find joy in the journey." - My Sister Lyssa

I'm Working On It

Life is so silly. One minute you think you have everything figured out, and the next thing you know you're spending day after day staring at your dogs until they get bored of you. (This may, or may not be my life right now, I'm not sure)

I am unsure what my purpose is right now in life. I always want to keep moving forward, but I feel like I am stumped. Everyday I am looking for jobs, and when I do get an interview I am trumped by people who have more experience than I. Can you believe one interview I had, they had 25 other people apply for it? Crazy. I must not be the only one in my position right now.

Well, maybe this is my time to learn to be free. Be ok with where I am right now and try to make the best of it. I envy the kind of people that live in the moment and enjoy it. I seem to always be looking in the past and future. But how am I supposed to get anywhere when I am tripping over good things that are happening right now that I am missing?

Life is so silly. Just when you think you have a grip on it, you realize you really don't have a clue at all...


♥

Dear Mom,

There are often nights I drift asleep thinking of you. Many nights that single tears escape my disloyal eyes for you. I have this painful guilt that I carry around with me. Although its only been two and a half years since you've past, I feel like you are now a faint memory of a life I knew once a very long time ago. No one asks about you, or talks about you anymore. I feel as though I am one of the very few left here who remembers the heart of gold in your once living and beating chest.

I try really hard to remember what the touch of your hand feels like.
What your voice sounds like.
What your clothes smell like.

I'm terrified that no one will remember your big brown eyes, or how you always made all of our guests and friends feel at home while around you. You are my home, and I feel homeless without you.


Maybe I should speak up more often, and mention you. However, I've learned nothing kills a conversation more then bringing up your dead mother at the dinner table. What's a girl to do mom? How do I walk through each day without you for the rest of my beating heart days?

"Im fine! I'm fine! I could run to the moon and back but my daughter can't! She never could." - Steel Magnolious

Oh how I love you mommy.

- Your forever grieving daughter