Team Players!

Have you ever had a job where your co-workers make it harder for you to do your job?

I thought it should be a team situation seeing how the same guy signs all of our checks, but I am so wrong!

Apparently their job is to constantly do a crappy job so that I can fix it in the end. It’s like a parent/kid relationship. They smear their poop all over our nice house and I am constantly picking the poop up! The only difference is I can’t smack them around and tell them to stop being such idiots! (And we all know how well kids and I get along)

A lot of people at my work place seem to get away with not only smearing poop all over the walls…but get REWARDED for it too! Great job guys on making the place smell like shit, you are just a-m-a-z-i-n-g!

They are also really good at pointing the finger… my favorite is when they come to me all upset and telling me how to do my job.

“RACHEL! I gave this to you a week ago! It is urgent, and you haven’t gotten it done yet!”

“Really? Can you give me their information so I can look to see what is going on?”

“Sure, but I am telling you they are really mad… I don’t understand why they have had to wait for so long about this, things should be a lot more efficient over here.”

I look to see what is going on, on our customer’s account and wah-la like clock work every time…

“Oh well it says here in the notes, which you should have looked at BEFORE coming and yelling at me that a replacement was sent for their juice and we never refunded them because they wanted juice instead.”

Well what do you know? Imagine that, I actually did what I should have done…weird!

So does this person say sorry my bad? Oh no…they just storm off still mad. Very mature of you! I never knew I’d be signing up for refund and credit team member/baby sitter.

I need a vacation!

Lessen Learned.

It has been a long, long time since I have been to a keg party. Let’s just say I am a little “rusty” when it comes to dealing with all the drunks! I went with two girlfriends of mine to a lady’s birthday party (I say lady because I really can’t remember her name). I have however forgotten how HILARIOUS drunk people are sometimes.

Drunken victim #1 started the night off quiet and dressed. As the night progressed, he had a clothing “change” and a personality change. He insisted on wearing a black, zip up hoodie, with the zip down showing the chest hair (or lack there of). He also insisted on trying to offend anyone around him. His stories consisted of peanut butter/toes/dogs, if he were a woman/foreign objects, bishop/ “special love”, and sexy shoes/wishing he was a girl. He even decided it would be a great idea to pee in front of everyone. Apparently by the end of the night he was so sloshed and then ended up disappearing. I will be watching the news tonight just to make sure he wasn’t stabbed and thrown in the “gully” somewhere.

Drunken victim #2 had one cup of beer and was seeing double. The more she had to drink the more friendly she was with everyone. She had on some clobbering high heels and couldn’t stand up on them without having some type of shoulder to lean on. She ended up drunk dialing her husband; I guess he was a little tipsy too. I wish I had that conversation on tape, just for laughs.

Drunken victim #3 was just asking for it. She probably has very low self esteem which is sad. She came with a boy who didn’t even look at her the whole time. He was instead checking out our chests. She was begging for attention though. This included her pumping the keg, and blurting out “Oh I have had a lot of experience with this!”. Also, she bent down and made sure half her underwear and butt was hanging out for all the boys to see. My favorite part was watching her desperately clutch to the boy she came with and laughing so hard about nothing that the beer in her cup splattered all over herself AND the boy next to her. He was not pleased.

Drunken victim #4 was by far my favorite one. He came walking through the door with his chest puffed out, thinking he was the man. He would tell us girls stories of how good his singing was, especially in Spanish. He was so good women would rip off their pants for him. He even admitted that the songs were usually by Enrique Iglesias, though he wouldn’t give us a little preview of his special talent. Half way through the party his girlfriend decides to show up. Parking her car half way in the road she went to see her man. While we all ended up leaving he decided to give me a hug goodbye, ended up squeezing by butt in front of his girlfriend (nice!).

All of this is always a good reminder why I don’t do that with my life anymore. Too much of that is a mess. My friend and I went there completely sober and left completely sober. I can’t imagine living my life that way. I did have a great time though mingling with the girls and having some good stories to share.

Now if only the drunken victims could remember

I'm Your Man

As soon as Derek saw the 37 Ford Sedan parked in front of Marie’s apartment building, he knew he had but only a few short moments.

Stepping out of the caddie, Derek flipped on his pin stripped top hat. Quickly paying the driver he crossed the street meeting the front doors to the apartment. The sent of Marie’s perfume still lingered in the lobby from the night before. Why did she always smell so damned good? No matter how crabby he felt her smell always melted his heart, and the next thing he knows he is at her beck and call.

No, not today. Today he is going to be strong. Today he had enough.

Derek casually smiled at Mrs. Pembroke while waiting for the lift to meet him at the first floor. Glancing at his wrist watch he saw it was a quarter past eight in the morning. Marie expected him sometime around eleven. He would have come then, if he knew she had no prior arrangements. Some days she was so predictable.

“I’m sorry Sr. but our lift I am afraid is broken, you will need to take the stairs.” Nodding to the lobbyist in appreciation, Derek darted for the stairs. The smooth marble on the railing cooled his hands and kept him at a steady pace while dodging the morning traffic up the stairs. Everyone was heading off to start their day no doubt.

Reaching the 5^th floor Derek stopped. Leaving Marie’s apartment room was Dean, just as he assumed. That bastard always had a liking towards her. He couldn’t believe she would do this to him when just the night before, he had proposed marriage to her. Technically she never committed with him, still he felt she owed him some loyalty. She was just coming around.

Giving him a goodbye kiss Marie wished him a good day. While tucking in his white collard shirt Dean headed for the stairs. Glancing up he gave Derek one of the most heart stabbing grins he has ever received. Then, at that very moment every gentlemen like thing his good mother taught him was out the window. Brushing shoulders with Dean, Derek made a bee-line to Marie’s door. Although he was really mad at Dean and his cockiness he knew where the real fight was. When she finally looked up she cold only stand in the door way paralyzed from the shock of Derek’s face. Had she lost track of time? Surely it couldn’t be eleven yet.

“Derek, I…I…”

Derek shoved Marie into the room with such force that she was nearly knocked off her feet. While slamming the door, he never lost eye contact with her. All Marie could do was gasp as he smashed her between him and the wall. He put both hands forward leaning on the wall, making any escape impossible.

“This is not what it looks like, why Dean was here to help me…”

“Was it worth it?”

The puzzled look on Marie’s face baffled him. “And when you say ‘it’ you mean…”

“Him! Was HE worth it?” Derek’s voice raised with every word. Balling up his fists was all he could do from keeping himself from punching in the wall. “How could you do this to me? How could you do this to us? How in the hell could you do this to your own self!”

Marie never took to being backed into a corner, when she was, she came out swinging. “Don’t you dare raise your voice to me! I am a grown woman and demand respect!”

Grunting, Derek turned around with his hand to his forehead. “I am tired of seeing you with Jeffery, Lewis, Oscar, Maxwell, Carl…and any other God forsaken man who has crossed your path. I will no longer be made a fool Marie, do you understand that?”

Marie was flabbergasted. Had Derek known about all of them this whole time? Her heart started to race, mostly with fear. This was the beginning of the end. She knew it. Being prideful she reacted the only way she knew how.

“I’m so sorry Derek…” she said in a sarcastic tone. “I am sorry that you couldn’t ever fully give me what I wanted! All your long nights at the club, you never had time for me even when I begged. I never got what I wanted.”

Derek leaned in so his cheek rested on her cheek and his lips grazed her right ear. “What do you want from me baby? You want a singer? I will serenade you to tears. Need a protector? I will be your body’s own personal guard. Need to be swept off your feet? Honey, I have my shining armor and white horse waiting outside. But if you want me to beg, I will never, ever do that for you. You never took in a man on his knees.”

Marie’s heart was betraying her with every pounding in her chest. Feeling the whiskers of his jaw rub against her cheek while he spoke sent chills up her spine. She had a huge urge to grab his collar on his shirt and bring him even closer then where he was already at.

“You’ll never be what I want Derek, no matter who you pretend to be.”

Sighing Derek stood up straight leaving more distance between them. Taking one hand he brushed his fingers across her collar bone. Up her neck, to her lips. Marie closed her eyes, he couldn’t help but lean in for a kiss, right on the side of her neck.

“You are right kitten, it could never work between us, what was I thinking? Good luck with your other male escorts.”

Turning around, with his hands in his slack’s pockets, he walked away. Pushing the button and never once looking back he heard his favorite voice.

“Will you still marry me?”

Derek couldn't help but chuckle to himself. Some days, she was so predictable.

Put it on My Tab!

What a weekend I have had. You ever get the feeling you are a problem MAGNET? Just call me P.M. for short! Anyway, on Saturday I decided to visit the good old family. We did a lot of shopping, and just had a lot of fun. When we came home we came home to this... Reggie (whom I brought to my mothers house and left him in their back yard) saw the neighbors dog and went on the attack! He ended up breaking some of the wood fence creating a whole! My mom had tied him up in the backyard because the neighbor was so freaked out that Reggie was going to kill her smaller dog. Once that dog has his mind on something that is all he can ever think about. He has to do whatever it takes to reach his goals. A lot of people do get freaked out because they have never seen a dog jump 6 feet in the air, or tear through fences to get to the other side. I cant say I blame them, it is a little freaky. This dog seriously keeps me on my toes. Every time I turn around he is somehow getting himself in trouble. So he broke a big chunk out then my step dad, Ron decided that they were going to take the whole section of the fence off and rebuild it. At this point I am feeling horrible that Reggie broke it, that I offered to pay for the wood. *Note to self: wood is much more expensive then you would think.* Ron and I went to the local home depot picking up wood then went back to the house. It took a while for the neighbors and my dad to get it fixed. I didn't even think to get a picture of the end project, but they all did a great job. All in all, I have learned if I am ever going to keep Reggie in a back yard, it's going to need 8 foot brick fences. Until he is able to figure out how to escape, or break out of that one!

Below is the trader himself!

45 and still Alive!

Birthday Boy ( I think he really likes cake)

Tomorrow is actually my dads birthday, but I planned a dinner with some of his friends tonight.
He is your typical cake-hating, gifts-rejecting, special-attention hater! Of course we all know deep down inside he really loves it all. I mean who wouldn't on their birthday? As much of a pain my dad can be sometimes, I can't help but love him and throw him a birthday dinner!

My dad and Sue

Da Cake!


Dad with his BEAUTIFUL cake!


(I can't even remember their names haha)


Cop Kevin

Left to right: Angel, Danielle, Cannon, and Bill...THANKS BILL!

Rules that were learned at my dads birthday...

#1 DO NOT make a joke about DUI's with a cop next to you
#2 Make sure to bring ear muffs in case something is said about your father that you don't want to know about!
#3 Bring cake and embarrassing stories about the birthday dad.
#4 Make sure that when you order a Pina Colada to get it WITHOUT alcohol!
#5 Bring camera to document the night.
#6 DO NOT let the people who have dirty secrets against the birthday boy have margaritas!

Pure Luck

So, I know lately I have been writing some depressing things. Sometimes, well more often that not, I get the feeling to write when crappy stuff is going on…alas some of these are pretty depressing. GOOD NEWS… this one is going to not be depressing (I hope).

Today a friend of mine and I went to lunch. I drove. Pretty normal day until I actually started driving! As I was merging onto the freeway (which all of you who work at XanGo know what I am talking about), there is no stop its just yield merging with others to get on the freeway. I was doing just that until a white truck with a trailer decides to blow right past me almost smashing our two vehicles together. I know people do stupid crap all the time, so I shrugged it off and kept on driving. Here comes the good part… while passing a semi on the freeway it decides to (no joke) burst into flames! The whole front cab caught on fire and all sorts of junk was flying from underneath the truck. A couple of things (I am not sure what they are still) hit my car. Once I was able to look at my car later on nothing actually dented/scratched/cracked my car. However, I do have oil and grease all over my car.

This little incident reminded me that the oddest things happen to me. I have this weird funk when it comes to my luck. I find myself in odd situations all the time. Either it happens to me or I end up hanging out with people who do bizarre things. I thought I would take the time to list a few things in my life that have happened, a little recap if you will.

1. Stuck in the XanGo elevator for almost an hour and a half by myself.

2. Almost getting hit on the side of my car on the freeway by a semi who couldn’t stop due to ice.

3. Had a good friend in high school who robbed a bank three times and got busted (I had to list this one, it’s just so weird!)

4. Had Shingles that went untreated for a week because my mom thought it was a “bug bite” (This is weird because there is a 0.18% chance you in your lifetime will ever get it. Also 1 out of 544 people get it.)

5. Got lost in a California mall for many, many hours when I was 7.

6. When I was in Jr. High my uncle dropped off me and a friend to school in his semi truck, but ended up getting stuck in the parking lot and having to move other peoples parked cars to get out of the way.

7. Once while giving blood, the lady left me alone and I had almost 1.5 quarts of blood taken out of me (2 quarts of blood gone is deadly) The bag was dripping with blood…and I had no idea until she said something.

8. I have accidentally killed two animals and a fish. (Okay the fish one is a long story, the other two were a Ginnie pig and a bunny). Also I have ALMOST killed my mom's dog. (He choked on a piece of meat I gave him).

9. I have been in a total of seven accidents since I was 16. Three of which are my fault, they were also in three different cars that my dad owned. (HAHA!)

10. While sitting down at the grand opening of Crispy Cream Donuts, I got peed on by a golden lab, and it went all down my back staining my white sweatshirt.

11. Going to a Grizzlies hockey game for my dads birthday, I ended up getting a lap dance with the grizzle bear and it was showing all over the jumbo tram (or whatever that is.) The funny part was my dads friends who took us to the game meant for it to go to my Dad for his birthday by surprise, but during half time me and my dad switched spots. There is nothing like getting a lap dance in front of thousands of people!

12. While at California Adventures we were on the "Rocket" ride. It basically shoots you up to the top and then you fall down. Well, when I went on with some friends we got stuck at the top for about 45 minutes. I didn't think it was that major until they had to clear everything and everyone so they could work on getting us down. For being afraid of heights I did pretty well about not freaking out the whole time.

13. I've been on a hot air balloon ride. Come on now, how many can say that?

That is about all I can think up right now. As I remember things I will come back to this and write more. Leave a comment and let me know what has happened to you guys that is weird…or better yet write a post about it!