Lessons Learned in 2009

Even if you are scared to death, give relationships a chance to grow. Pedicures make the heart smile. Accept that good things happen to you. (every once in a while at least) Some people are not good people, and no matter what you do you can't change that. A girl has got to listen to some heavy metal every once in a while. Ex's will always be Ex's. Don't talk yourself into anything, especially men. Take an adventure by yourself now and again. Baking cakes with your mother is one of the best things on this planet. Never ever take for granted your health. When times get hard, don't hold back the tears. Little sisters make life better. Everyone deserves a clean plate. Stay positive things will work out like they should. Take pictures of everything. Love comes, and there is nothing you can do but accept and grow from it. Death comes, and there is nothing you can do but accept and grow from it. Brandon's hugs are the best. There is always time to celebrate the good things in your life. Dream really big! A simple greeting card will do just fine. Most of the time it's worth waiting for.

Christmas Recap of '09

This year I've been dreading Christmas, for the obvious reasons. I was able to keep myself mostly busy with Christmas projects and school. Once those were gone, I was faced with the fact that Christmas was coming even if I didn't like the idea.

Christmas Eve Brandon got a taste of our traditions. Every year my mom makes a dinner feast filled with appetizers of all kind.


After we recap Christs life, and talk about the previous year we had and what family means to us. That part was the hardest for me. However, for the first time in a long time I didn't feel like a giant hole was missing in my life. Once we got that out of the way the rest of the night was filled with games, movies, and fun. I finally got to bed around midnight, only to be awaken at four to my youngest brother. Even though he is twelve he can't ever contain his excitement for Christmas. I tried to go back to sleep but failed, and after two hours of pestering from Matthew, I woke everyone up to open gifts. As you can see below, we all are half awake while opening gifts (except for Matthew of course).









After that madness we headed over to Brandon's parents to have breakfast with his family. Then after drove to my house to open gifts with my dad. After a little down time we went back over to his parents house for dinner, then watched Nine with Amelia and Trent. A busy day to say the least, I was grateful for some shut eye at the end of the night, but over all had a great Christmas. I owe my family, friends, and especially Brandon for making it a wonderful memory.

Now to the fun part... gifts!

I couldn't believe how spoiled I was this year.


Ron gave me a few things, one of them being a board game. Brandon's parents got me a Jane Austin book, and Trent gave me the second season of pushing daisies along with the first book of Dexter.

My dad gave me dishes and silverware for the "new year". Hmm, I wonder what that is supposed to mean?


My dad Ron also gave me this pretty baby...


I've been wanting a video camera for a while, no one seems to have random video coverage these days. I intend to change that.

Brandon gave me many things that I didn't deserve. Some play-doh, coloring books, Earth DVD, jewelry, and a record player!


I about died when I saw it, and passed out with joy. He also started off my vinyl collection with Jack Johnson, Lady GaGa, and Jason Mraz. Today, I went out and bought some more to add. I'm so in love.


Of course Mom was not forgotten. I left a Christmas tree on her grave.


Both of my dads gave me something to remember her by. Her scriptures, and a shadow box that I can keep things in of her.


Happy Holidays to you and yours, I hope everyone made some great memories.

On the 12th day of Christmas...

KaraLee gave to me - a picture of Christ

She was so amazing throughout this entire thing, and I am so lucky to have her as my best friend. Because of her, my Christmas was that much better!

More Christmas details to come...

On the 11th day of Christmas...

My mystery friend gave to me - a Gingerbread House kit

On the 10th day of Christmas...

My mystery friend gave to me - a coloring book and crayons.

Y'all ready for Christmas yet?

On the 9th day of Christmas...

My mystery friend gave to me - Some fuzzy socks and a hula hoop.

Apparently the secret to dancing is by wearing red fuzzy socks and then hula hooping. Yeah, you wouldn't understand...

On the 8th day of Christmas...

My mystery friend gave to me - chocolate milk and cookies!

On the 6th and 7th day of Christmas...

My mystery friend gave to me - The original Mother Goose series

And a glass Swan

Precious! I'm a lucky gal.

On the 5th day of Christmas...

(Is it really day five already?)

My mystery friend gave to me - hot chocolate and Krispy Kreme donuts.

Yum!

On the 4th day of Christmas...

My mystery friend gave to me - A Christmas bell/Rudolph the Red Noised Reindeer

Guess what I'm watching this weekend? Love it!

This Morning

Reggie did not want to wake up.

On the 3rd day of Christmas...

My mystery friend gave to me - a dancing chicken.

A Christmas dancing chicken mind you.

On the 2nd day of Christmas...

My mystery friend gave to me - Turtle & Dove Chocolate.

Which by the way, I found sitting on my car while walking out from work. This person is tricky.

On the 1st day of Christmas...

When I lived with my mom every year her and I would do the 12 days of Christmas to someone we knew was in need. Starting on the 13th of December we would anonymously create gifts and drop them off at the door step until Christmas Eve. There were several close calls where I was almost caught running for my life to the car parked on the other street, but knowing I was doing something for someone was worth everything.

I remember also receiving the 12 days of Christmas for my family. Some nights my mom and I would try to stay up to catch them, which never happened, we still had fun laughing and joking about it. One year the very last gift we received on Christmas Eve was five hundred dollars. I remember opening the envelope with my mom and crying. I can't imagine separating with that much money. My family was hurting really bad, and it was obviously a gift from God. After I moved out I didn't really keep up with it. I also haven't thought much of it either until last night.

I received a text message from a random number telling me to check my front porch before I went to bed. What was found was this,


Some pear cider and pear chips with a note letting me know I was picked for the 12 days of Christmas. I texted back asking who it was and thanked them, but received no response. At first I wanted to figure out who it was, but now I've decided that isn't what this is about. It is about giving and being able to receive at the same time. I have this guilt complex over taking something like this without being able to reciprocate the gesture.

I thought it was clever with the Pear stuff. Especially since the first day of Christmas the gift was a partridge in a pear tree. I'm excited to see what is happening next!

Thanks mystery person - this means more to me then you may know.

P.S. look forward each day with an update of what I received the night before.

Music to My Bleeding Ears

I feel the need to blog about something, although I'm not sure what.

Lately I've been feeling very blah. My brain feels like it is on auto pilot and the Rachel I'm used to having around is on vacation. I've been keeping my distance from most people, more so then usual. I have this need to protect myself from heartbreak and my first instinct is to push away. Some days I have this little spark that shows my old self, but that is very far a few in between.

Today at work I did my usual training where I stand in front of new customer service agents for my work and teach them about refunding people properly. During that training I felt my old self come back. And I mean my olllllllld self. The one before ExA1, before moving to Salt Lake, before Mom passed. The one that stands in front of a crowd and has a good time entertaining people. I had most of the new agents laughing and having a good time learning about something! It brought a smile to myself to know I still had it in me. That I was interesting, made people feel good, but more importantly made them laugh.

If you met my 2005 classmates they would tell you I was full of life, loved by most, and always doing something shocking.I was always the girl dancing on tables or standing on chairs giving my new stand up comedy routine. Where has that person gone? I liked her.

I wonder if that will ever come back or if it was just something I was in my past. Now I'm adult and worry about stupid shit.

Work, bills, family ties, school, homework, finals, car problems. Everything problems.

Remember the times when you would go and "hang out" with some of your friends? You never had anything planned. You just went to someones house lounging around while listening to whatever music was good then. You closed your eyes and let the music soak into you. Sitting there for hours without a need to come up with some type of small talk. More then half of my teenage years were spent doing just that. Soaking in the music with friends.

So the last few weeks I've been blaring my mind with music. All the thoughts I've been having lately don't really make sense. So I drown them out with Lady GaGa. Thank God for her Fame Monster album. I'd not like to know what I'd be without it right now. I am singing at work(the boys love this), pounding on the steering wheel in the car, humming to myself at school, and dancing my heart out at night.

This is all for now.

Tell me something that'll save me

I need a man who makes me alright

Tell me something that'll change me

Don't Stop Believe'n

I'm trying to keep myself awake for the last stretch of work, so I thought I'd post some random things I believe that most people disagree with me on. Different opinions is what makes the world go round, right?

1 - I believe everyone should have the right to marry who they want. Honestly, I don't care who you marry as long as you are happy... and it isn't one of my many future ex husbands.

2 - I believe that if you are failing at something, it is your own fault. Not anyone else's. I get tired of hearing people get upset over something they had/have control over, and make excuses. I normally will not have sympathy for situations like that. You made you bed, deal with it.

3 - I believe that "white lies" are necessary in the world we are living in.

4 - I believe that public schools should teach sex education. So many parents argue that they should be the ones to teach their children about sex. But lets face the facts here, most people (especially in Utah) will not teach their kids what they need to know about it. Not even the consequences or facts of it all. I can't tell you how many people I know that are either clueless to sex, or only know what TV/kids at school say. For those kids who get jipped in the birds and bees talk, they are going to need a class that doesnt hold back, and says all of the facts. Sorry people, we are not living in the 19th century anymore.

5 - I believe everyone at some point in their lives thinks about cheating on the person they are with.

6 - I believe drinking coffee is not a sin.

7 - I believe that it is a mistake to marry someone without knowing them for at least a year.

8 - I believe there is no such thing as a true "bi-sexual" or "love at first sight". I also believe that if someone else thinks these things are true, they are in some serious self denial.

9 - I believe age does not matter when it comes to knowledge, but having more experiences does.

10 - I believe that every single little thing happens for a reason. We may not understand it when it happens to us, and may never understand it until after we die. But there is always a reason.

Happy Thursday!

Dear Mom,

Last week was painfully hard without you. I thought it wouldn't be so bad, but really I had no idea what I was getting into. Don't get me wrong, there were good moments. Always bitter sweet without you though. For Thanksgiving Brandon and I had dinner over at Angel's house with my dad. The food was good, and I had a good time relaxing. Later that night we went to your house to see the rest of the family. It didn't take me long to burst into tears after seeing your Christmas tree up. Uncle Rich and Aunt Randie were there (and no we didn't fight at all - you would have been so proud). With them around it made Thanksgiving seem a little more normal.

This years Black Friday was a big joke. We woke up late Friday morning (4:40am) only to get to Walmart to discover that at midnight they let everyone take what they wanted and hold onto it. We all quickly realized it wouldn't have mattered if we were awake on time or not, everything would have been taken anyway. So I was mostly a grump that day. Poor Brandon, Brittni, and Trent got to deal with me. We did go see Mr. Fantastic Fox and had some good dinner at Crab Shack, so I really shouldn't complain.

Saturday was by far my favorite day over last week. Rich and Randies family got our family tickets to Savior of the World with them. We all met up downtown Salt Lake and watched this really beautiful play. After I convinced everyone to go to The Gardens to eat, and try a fried pickle. I think Sarah was the only one who didn't like them. And of course you can't leave Temple Square without seeing the lights. Brittni and Trent came as well to check it out.







Dad of course had the hardest time. It reminded me how last year I got a surprise visit from all of you after you went to see the lights at temple square. It was a rare and excellent surprise that I don't want to forget. I think over all though everyone had a good time that day.

Yesterday was apparently Christmas Tree day. Brandon and I helped Dad put up his big tree this year.


I also took some time out to set up a small tree downstairs for you. I hate white lights on Christmas Trees, but I know how much you love it. So this time I wanted something personal to represent you and your Christmas spirit.



It wasn't easy to think about the next month and what it will be like without you for the first time in my life. But I am still determined to make it a good one. I'll be coming to visit you soon, I have a gift for you :).

I love and miss you terribly, visit me soon.

-Rachel

I'm Thankful

For all of you who don't already know Thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday. Sometimes it reminds me how dysfunctional my family can get (ok, really that's all it reminds me of every year). I normally try to avoid it at all costs. I don't like to eat turkey, pie, or yams, so when I am around for Thanksgiving I'm the one with only mash potatoes and stuffing on my plate sitting at the little kids table.

Awesome right?

I think one of my favorite Thanksgivings was when I was in Las Vegas eating at a seafood buffet. No awkward family situations, no having to explain what I've been up to for the last year, or what I plan on doing for the rest of my life. Nope. Just me, and Larry the Lobster staring up at me.

Last year I was ditched by my entire family. No lie. My dad and his boyfriend went up to some cabin (even after some shameless begging on my end), and my mom and family went to Colorado for their Thanksgiving. It was sort of this weird tradition with my mom, I just couldn't swallow my pride enough to go there again (stupid me). My mom did call me. She always called me on Thanksgiving, no matter how far away she was. I did have a good time with Trent's family who were kind enough to invite me. And although I didn't escape the awkward family questions, I did have a good time.

Well, this year I'm going to have to suck it up with my bah-humbug Thanksgiving ways. My Aunt, Uncle, and cousins from Colorado are coming this year to see us and my dad will be in town this year as well. I will be juggling two Thanksgivings and that isn't even including Brandon's family.

I'm trying to have a positive attitude about all of this. What better way to start then listing off things I am thankful for?

• First off I am thankful for my mother who raised me to be a good person. To treat people with kindness (although I fail at this sometimes), forgive those who are unkind, and to look at life eye to eye and believe that in the end everything works out.
• I'm thankful that I have a house to live in, a car that works, a job that pays me, and the education I am getting at my school
• I'm thankful for my other two parents. Dad #1 and Dad #2. They both love me more then I deserve, and at the end of the day are there for me when I need them.
• I'm thankful for my siblings who cry, laugh, yell, and dream with me. I know when I'm around them I am not alone.
• I'm thankful for Trent who has become whole heartily one of the best friends I've ever had. He listens to my problems and is always there when I need someone to lean on.
• I'm thankful for midol, especially on days like today.
• I'm thankful for a country that fights for my rights.
• I'm thankful for Brittni and her big heart.
• I'm thankful for Reggie who is always waiting for me when I come home. He is always ready to lick my face off and jump on me. I'd be lost without him.
• I'm thankful for books that let me escape for a few hours.
• I'm thankful for KaraLee who shows me how to be a better person, and loves me for who I am.
• I'm thankful for Brandon who would drop everything to be there for me, and reminds me life is worth living.
• I'm thankful for my ipod that keeps my ears occupied 24/7
• I'm thankful for opportunities to help others.
• I'm thankful for my health.
• I'm thankful for anyone or anything that has made me laugh.
• I'm thankful for holidays where I can relax and remember what is more important in life.

Ok, I could really go one forever, but I won't ramble on any longer.

I'm curious. What are you thankful for?

Secret Sunday

This weeks secret -

I've watched New Moon twice in less then 12 hours this weekend. I've also ditched some class and plan on ditching another class before the holiday.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Current Obsessions

Currently I am obsessed with the following -

Lady Gaga

I can't seem to go more then five minutes without humming/singing one of her songs. Especially her latest single Bad Romance. I love her fashion and taste in almost everything. I'm so obsessed that over a week ago I bought her super deluxe fame monster which contains the following

• The Fame Monster album including 8 new studio recordings
• Collectible puzzle
• Pictorials
• Pull out posters
• Themed fanzines
• A paper doll collection
• 3D glasses
• Personal notes from the artist
• The "Book of Gaga" art table book
• Bad Romance T shirt
• A lock of Lady Gaga's hair

Yeah, you read that right a lock of her hair. What I will do with that... I'm not sure but I'm hella excited about it!

New Moon

I told myself almost a year ago today that I would never stand in line for another Twilight thing again. I even complained and whined and tried to get my PIC to go to the show at a reasonable hour instead of at midnight this Thursday. She refused and bought us tickets behind my back (sneaky one she is). At first I was all against this, but with all the media and hype I'm finding myself getting more and more excited. And what do you know? Looks like tomorrow night I'll be in another line to see the show. Let's just hope for my sanity's sake I won't laugh through the entire thing, or deal with too many crazed pre-teen girls. (Yeah I know... in my dreams will that happen)

Glee

I'm just a wee bit bitter that I am in class when the rest of the world gets to watch Glee every Wednesday night. It's the first thing I do on Thursday mornings - watch Glee. I'm also in love with Puck. The show takes me back to my own high school drama days. I loved to sing, dance, and act. The bond between drama members is always very dramatic but most importantly very tight knit. Ah, those were the days.

My new My Touch phone

I picked up this bad boy last weekend and I am in love love love love! The phone is always in my hand these days. It can do things I've never even thought of. I'm still getting use to it, but I'm now a changed women. I'm never going back.

mylifeisaverage.com

If I have time to spare I'm reading posts on this website. People every day come to this website to post about their average lives. It gives me hope for a better world. Here are some little gems for you...

Today, I was walking with my little brother down the street and we saw an open manhole cover. Being a huge fan of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, he leaned over and yelled, "TURTLE POWER!". I was worried that he would be crushed when nothing happened, but then I heard, "COWABUNGA DUDE!". He got so excited, he peed his pants. Thank you, mystery manhole guy, you made my day.

Today, I was signing with my deaf friend. I asked him if he had ever expierenced an awkward silence. He immediatly stopped signing and just looked at me. This was, in fact, an awkward silence. MLIA.

Today, I was stuck in traffic so I decided to wave randomly at the people in other cars to see if they would freak out. Just as I was about to start, a girl in another car started waving at me. I instantly freaked out and ducked beneath the window. Well played, mystery girl. MLIA.

Today I was at an arcade with my friends. I got a small plastic dinosaur with my tickets. I came back to the prize counter with my friends. The guy working the counter casually slides me another dinosaur with a note attatched that read: So the other one isn't lonely. Easily made my week.

Today, I realized Lifesavers are called Lifesavers because if you choke on them, you can still breathe because of the hole. My life just got safer.

Today, I was about to take a bite out of my McDonald's double cheeseburger when I realized that I had forgotten to ask for no pickles. Annoyed, I went to remove the pickles only to find a happy face drawn with ketchup. Thank you kind DMcDonald's worker for making such an effort knowing that it would go unnoticed. I will always be tempted to look inside my burgers from now on. MLIA

Yesterday, I was reading MLIA from my iPod Touch. Me and my family got in our car and once we drove out of my wifi server's range, a box popped up as we went over a shady bridge. The box asked which server I wanted to join, and just as we went over that bridge, the server 'BATCAVE' came up. I'm on to you, Batman.

And really, that's all folks.

Secret Sunday

This weeks secret -

The Christmas lights are up at my house, I've also started listening to Christmas music. So sue me.

Stressin'

It is midterm week and my stress level looks a lot like this...


Sure, I could bore you with the same sad college story of taking one of the hardest classes I've ever taken, that I wake up in the middle night panicking over my pharmacology grade, or that my face looks like I just started puberty. But I refuse to bore you with that.

For shiz and giggles I'm going to let you guys know who I would like to punch in the face right now. Giving a good punch to the face will always make me feel a little less stressed. So here goes nothing.

Top four people who deserve a good beat down

Angelina Jolie

Am I the only one on this planet who sees through her bull crap? I don't understand why people support someone who is a home wrecker and has far too many kids from all over the world. Is she trying to create her own it's a small world after all? I'm not buying it. Really, she deserves a good beat down just for being in all of the Tomb Raider movies.

Miley Cyrus

Babies die, and my ears bleed when she sings. She also isn't the best role model out there, just google image search her and you will understand what I'm talking about. She needs to do us all a favor and leave the entertainment business for good.

Carrie Prejean

She goes around saying how she is a good Christian and loves God BUT she poses nude for pictures, judges people because they are gay, and has several sex tapes. Do I need to say anything else?

and last but not least...

My home wrecker of a co-worker

What I wouldn't give to seriously beat this girl up. Her actions and choices are so disgusting, and somehow I am lucky enough to have to watch this every day at the office. I can't believe she is an adult, but acts like the teenager slut.

Thats all I can really say about that.

I feel better already.

Wish me luck on my midterm tonight. I'll need it.