Dear Mom,

I am your first child to be a college graduate. It actually happened, I'm not sure how, but I know it happened. I owe so much of it to you. It seems like not too long ago I was graduating high school

Yeah, this is an awkward photo of me, but it is the only one I have handy. I remember then how proud of me you were. When college came around, you helped guide me into what I wanted to build a career in. We went to Broadview University and took a tour. You and I joked around a lot about how I was going to wear scrubs all day, and work with animals (finally). You were there when I signed the papers to get in, you where there when I got my first A. Although with the turn of events sadly you were not there to see me carry on.

I remember the day I visited you in the hospital, and you were bragging about how I was going to be a "doggie nurse" soon. I felt embarrassed especially since you were telling all the hot men nurses about it. I know you got a kick out of that. I am glad we had that moment because I think about it often. How I could feel your pride for me shining through the entire room. So when it was my turn to stand up to get my degree, I imagined you beaming with pride and telling everyone how I am now a doggie nurse. I hope you were able to see the end, and that I did accomplish something major. I was able to get through the hard times because of you, because there was no way in hell I was going to let you down. The entire family was there, and it was love all around.

Thank you for being my inspiration in life. I want to do the best in life, and have you shine through me and my life. Love you, love you, love you. I miss you too.

With love,

Rachel

Say What?

Once my Mom and I were talking about wedding rings. Being the great girlfriend I was at the time, I put Brandon on the spot and said...

"How much would you ever spend on a engagement ring?"

To which he replied

"I don't know. Maybe around $10,000?"

I think my Mom and I both choked on our drinks and then laughed hysterically. My mom ended up saying, "Either he has no idea what he is talking about, or has some type of brain tumor. Either way, take him up on that!"

And I totally did.

Current Happenings

I am currently at work and had the urge to listen to Nsync's No Strings Attached album.


Its amazing how the memories just flood back to me and all of the sudden I am 14 again walking down the stairs to my room to listen to the album. Searching everywhere I seriously can't find the CD, and when I walk out of my room to ask someone if they have seen it, I see my mom speed walking/dancing her butt off on the treadmill with giant headphones on.

"Rachel! This new Nsync album is the bomb - a little dirty, but great to listen to while working out!"

And that people is why my mom is amazing.

Also later on that year my dad stood in line with me early on a Saturday morning to get tickets to their concert. He even made deals with other people in line to make sure we got tickets. Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours kind of deal. Then my dear father proceed to take me to the concert, buy me a t shirt, a seat cushion, and a program. He also tolerated me when I stood on my seat and cried the entire time for the love of my life JT!

And that people is why my dad is amazing.

On another random subject, I bought this today.


It is a stuffed shark that turns into a pillow. Enough said.

Also I love Brittni, especially when she comes up and we spend Easter weekend together.


Enough said.


P.S. Reg and Frankie are best brothers now. Exhibit A:

Life is pretty fantastic.

I'm No Fool

Lets just say for the sake of time that growing up - I was a bad girl. I lied to my parents, drank, snuck out of the house whenever I could, listened to dirty rap, and was even known to shop lift a thing or two (but thats a story for another time).

The buzz all week around my high school was about my friends party that was happening that Saturday. Everyone I knew was going to be at this party. It was the classic his parents are out of town lets have a big house party situation. I went home and let my mom know my friend was having a small get together and I was invited.

"Do you have his parents phone number?" She asked.

You see, my mom made it a rule that if I were to ever go over to a friends house with out her there, she had to speak with the parents. This became particularly frustrating as I got older. No 17 year old looked cool when their mom called to talk to their mom as though we were still in fourth grade.

"Um, well I don't really have the number" I replied.

"You mean, you don't want me to talk to them. Wait a minute, this isn't the party I've been hearing from other parents right? Where a bunch of kids are going to a house party to get drunk and play ping pong!"

...did she seriously just say ping pong to me?

"Ummm...." I honestly wasn't sure what to say to that.

"Rachel, there is no way you are going to that party. Kids your age have no business doing things like that, I'm sure his parents would disapprove too if they knew what was going on."

"You don't even know him! These are my friends we are talking about! They all invited me, and I am going. Even if you don't like it!" (See, I told you I was a bad girl)

"I'm going to check your bedroom through out the night, and if you are not there when I go down, I will come and find you."

That was the last we talked about it. The weekend was getting closer, and I frequently tried to come up with a plan to get to that party. I've snuck out of the house before, I'm sure I could do it again. I wasn't going to drink while I was there. And as long as I was only gone for an hour and a half she wouldn't find me. So when 11:30 came around Saturday night, I opened up the family room window, and walked to my friends car that was parked several houses down from mine.

Let me tell you - the party was awesome! When I got there people were dancing all over the house, and greeting me as though we were all best friends. Even my secret crush at the time was there, and talking to me. My crush asked if I wanted to go outside to get some air in the backyard. I brought my best friend and a few others and we all had a good time laughing and exchanging silly stories. My crush even held my hand most of the time, and when he said he had to leave, he gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was seriously on cloud nine. When reality started to sink back in, I went into the kitchen to look at the clock. It was flashing 3:47 am.

Immediately I started to panic. Where in the hell had all the time go? I started to franticly search for my purse in the sea of people, when my friend came frantically running towards me.

"Dude, I think your mom is outside!!"

My heart sunk. She actually came I thought to myself. Sure enough when I turned the corner I saw her in the doorway. Once we locked eye contact, I new the party was over. She didn't say one word to me. Not at the party, on the drive home, or when we got home, which meant I was in for a serious punishment the next day.

And yes, I got punished. However I did survive. I remember thinking she was the worst mom in the entire world for embarrassing me like that. But, when I think about this story now I say to msyelf...

Mama didn't raise no fool!

Dear Mom,

I've been thinking about you a lot. Don't get me wrong, I think about you all the time, but especially in the last week. I've been very, very sad lately. I'd be lying if I said I don't cry myself to sleep anymore, because I do. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own thoughts about loosing you and it hurts. And then somewhere in the middle of my hysterical crying, and trying to hold myself tight I try to think about good things, happy things.

Remember that one time when we went shopping at Allens grocery store? I'm not sure why we went, but I begged you to take me with you. In all honesty, I hate grocery shopping, but if it was with you then I wanted to go. We got there, and I was acting like my usual obnoxious teenager self. You asked me to get chips on the isle over, so I ran to the other side, found the chips, and told you to get ready. You told me if I threw them over the isle you'd kill me. I pretended like I didn't hear you.

"1...2...3..."

I tossed the bag of chips up in the air and to the other side where you were at. I heard a crash and ran over. I quickly realized why you didn't want me to throw the bag, when the manager of the store was standing right next to you. Once he left you couldn't help but laugh at us, while I made you dance with me in the middle of the grocery store. Making you laugh was the sweetest thing my ears have ever heard. I'm glad we had those small moments together, that even though you wanted some time to yourself, you let me tag along with you.

I remember the time you and I were in the old green van together, and I was so sad, and so devastated from my dad. Right before Christmas he picked to spend time with another guy then me. I was very upset, and you told me to do what I thought was best. So while my dad was at a club with his new friend, I packed my stuff up from his house on Christmas Eve, and drove back home to you. While we were in the van, the day after you were there to hold my hand when my dad called. He pleaded with me to come back to Salt Lake. You and I both knew his tricks, and I told him I wouldn't. It was the first time I really stood my ground with my dad, and you were there to silently back me up in whatever choice I decided to make.

Maybe I miss you so much right now, because your absence is very evident while trying to plan a wedding. Even though we would most likely argue and bicker over the small details of my wedding, I'll miss your very strong advice when I get scared, or feel like I can't do this. I'm doing everything I can to be strong, and remember the good times.

I miss you terribly.

Love,
Your Rachel

Oh Mom!

Sometimes I find little gems of my mom that reminds me of our silly relationship together. All of this is so important because it keeps her alive. I always want to keep her laughter and spirit with me. Always.

So I'm sure you could picture the massive grin on my face when I saw this comment my mom made on my blog a year ago today.


The post was about gay marriage. And although her and I had our differences on hot topics we always stayed best friends. If only I could go back in time a year ago and squeeze her with love!

Love you Mom!

Larry

As usual my mom and I were running late to church on a chilly Sunday morning. My mom probably had a legitimate reason to be late. I on the other hand was purposely taking my time. In my high school days I never felt like waking up to leave for church.

"Rachel! Are you ready yet?"

"Almost mom! I just have to do my hair."

Looking myself in the mirror I start to curl my hair. After hearing my mom yell down the stairs to hurry up twice, I grabbed my shoes from my room. Hopping on one foot while trying to get your other high heel on is never as easy as it looks. Right in the middle of me grabbing my scriptures the door bell rings and I freeze.

What the?

"I got it mom!"

Running up the stairs I make it to the front door and peer through the peep hole to find nothing. Opening the door I step outside to see no one around. Who door bell ditches on a Sunday morning? I did however notice the big white paper bag sitting on the door step. Picking it up I was surprised with how heavy it was. I put the white bag on the kitchen counter top and stuck my hand into the bag.

Wait... that doesn't feel right...

Looking into the bag I immediately withdraw my hand and scream.

"MOOOOOOOOOM!"

Before I knew it she was running down the stairs at my screams.

"What is it?"

My mom looks into the bag and is shocked as well.

"Is that a lobster?!?" She screams.

"Sure looks like one to me!"

"Who would leave a lobster on the doorstep?" She asks.

As soon as the sentence leaves her mouth the white bag starts moving.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"

Both of us squealing at the top of our lungs isn't helping the situation. So we decided to leave to church and deal with the lobster later.

"What do we do with the little bugger until then? We can't just leave him in the bag."

My mom is right. We couldn't just leave him sitting on the counter. So I came up with the brilliant idea to fill up the tub with water and put the lobster in it. While sitting next to the tub my mom reminds me that lobsters can't live in regular water, they live in salt water.

"I'll go get the salt." I say while leaving the water running. Rummaging through the spice cabinet I grabbed the salt and hesitantly picked up the white bag as well. My mom takes the salt and starts to pour it into the tub water. Both of us realized this was silly, but what other choice did we have? At this point we were over an hour late for church. Finally the water was finished and my mom and I just stared at each other in the bathroom.

"Ok, put Larry in the water" I say.

"You named him?"

"Yeah, Larry the Lobster of course."

"Well, I'm not touching him."

"Me either! Wait, I have an idea."

Getting the kitchen broom I tip the white bag into the water. And use the broom to scoop Larry into the water.

Splash! He is in the tub and the girlish screaming continues, along with some jumping up and down. We both finally leave to church and are dying to tell our family about the news. When we get home my mom makes a few calls and realizes that other family members have received little Larry's at their doorsteps as well. Obviously, it had to be our prankster uncle Rich.

"What do we do with him then?" I ask my mom.

"Well, looks like we'll be having lobster for Sunday dinner!"

Daily Ramblings

Y'all asked for more random rants and darn it I aim to please. So here you go...

I'm not going to lie, the last two days have hurt like hell. I'm trying to stay positive and what can I say? Some days (ok most of the days) I'm not good at being positive. In times like these I do try and remember silly things that have happened between me and my mom to make me feel better.

Once around Halloween time when I was still living in the house we had pumpkins we carved that sat out on the porch during the autumn season. Every blasted year we would have guys in the neighborhood sneak up to the house at night and break our pumpkins. It always drove me and my mom crazy, I mean come on - we spent hours on those pumpkins! One night while probably on the phone until the wee hours of the night I heard some guys laughing in my front yard. I looked at the clock and knew that the only reason why some guys would be laughing in my front yard at this time of night was to smash my families beautiful pumpkins. This year I was not going to let it happen again. Sneaking out of my room I started to climb up the stairs as to not disturb anyone still asleep. While getting to the front room I see my mom sneaking down the stairs from her bedroom. Apparently she heard them too and wasn't going to take their crap either. We both looked at each other and knew what had to be done. I peaked out the window and saw the guys holding my pumpkin! I couldn't hold in my rage any longer. I immediately ran to the door and flung it open. There they all stood in shock staring back at me and my mother in the door way. What then came out of my mouth sounded a lot like this...

"M*#%!^ F%$&@*> You bastards are going down! Who do you think you are?"

The profanities that left my mouth went on and on as the boys ran in the opposite direction into the darkness. Once my adrenaline was down I remembered my mother was standing right behind me and heard me say words I had never spoken out loud to her before. Ohhhh I am in so much trouble I thought to myself. But before I could turn around to try to explain myself I heard my mom yell over my shoulder...

"Yeah! And don't come again you jack asses!"

I was so shocked I turned around and looked at my mom and we both started laughing. I guess I learned that my mom and I were a lot a like. She wasn't just a mom, she had a little bit of an edgy side too.

Also, Brandon, Dad #2, Trent, and my birthday are coming up soon. Brandons is on the 16th, Dads on the 17th, Trents on the 31st, and mine on the 24th. Is it horrible that I think about my own birthday so much that I forget about others? Sorry, I just can't help it sometimes. I am a sucker for the spot light. I'm a little worried about my party coming up. I would be horrifed if no one showed up to it. Every year I always grit my teeth and hope it isn't just me and the parents sitting in my back yard eating day old cup cakes.

Today I was IM'd this -

Oh if you only knew the irony in that message. Everytime I look at this I laugh and laugh. My friends are amazing, especailly Brittni.

So really what else is there to say? It's only the second day in the week and I am ready for the weekend again. They never come fast enough. I am excited for Brandons birthday party this weekend. His first one (or so he tells me). He is a deprived child. Who doesn't have a birthday party for 28 years? But this time it will be different. He has an amazing girlfriend now who plans things like a champ and always follows through.... or at least 73% of the time.

Happy Tuesday!