Just In Case The Worst Was Meant To Happen

Just in case I were to die tomorrow,

I'd want you to know I love you.

That whatever I became after this life,

I'd be thinking about you too.

Every single day.

Just in case I never see your face again,

Know we will always be together.

I'll warm your soul,

Until your heart feels on fire.

I'll burn the fears away.

Just in case the worst was meant to happen,

I'm grateful for the space you've created

In your heart just for me.

I'll live there forever,

Just like it's always been.

Growing Pains

How will I remember you when you're gone?

Eight simple words changing my life
You grabbed my left hand
slipping your ring onto my thumb

I'll always be right around you

I would normally laugh at how cheesy it was
If I wasn't so heartbroken
That was that
Nothing left to be said.
You were on a flight to Juno
I was right in the middle of second period

Months went by and I never forgot the ring
It was so big on my fingers
I knew I could handle whatever the day had for me
The ring reminding me of better days to come

Six months came and went
You were back
With a new squeeze
I should have known
I tried to give you back your ring

You hold on to it for now, I will come for it later.

I put it in the jewelry box
Hiding it away with all of the other memories
That I couldn't bare to remember

We had our break ups and make ups
I never once put the ring back on
But it was always there
Just waiting to be slipped on

I finally put my foot down
No more of you
No more of us
I finally moved on to someone new
Sure enough
There you were

I think I will come soon to get my ring back

The last words I would ever hear from your pretty mouth

I have it, whenever you want it.

You never came back and I never worried about it
Out of sight
Out of mind

My last breakup was hard
Bone crushing
Soul sucking
In my lost moment
The ring found me
Slipping it on
I was reminded that better things were to come
Every day since then I wore it
No one understood the meaning except me
Between just you and me
I would normally laugh at how cheesy it was
If I wasn't so heartbroken

Last night while sitting in my second class
My teacher started with the announcements

...before I forget there was a males ring found in this room
If it is yours come and claim it.

Looking at my naked thumb
I knew it was your ring
I thought about claiming it
I thought about keeping my last piece of you
Slipping it back onto its rightful place

For the first time I never noticed it was gone
Never felt the cold breeze touch my uncovered fingers
When I never spoke up to get the ring back
I was reminded that better things are to come

Silent Truth

I tuck my pillow behind my right arm
kicking my left leg out of the sheets
taking in a deep breath
I toss to my left side
2:27am
I curl into a ball
the blanket to my chin
only to lay on my back shutting my eyes
wishing my mind would take a rest
3:48am
It's too hot
Throwing the blankets off my sweating body
taking a walk
It's too cold now
4:02am
The tossing turning into frustration.
Just knowing...
It doesn't matter where I am
What type of thread count sheets I have
How many pillows surround me

I can't sleep without you.

Committed

You hate him
And he hates you back
Although hate isn’t the right word
Loathe sounds better
He tells you your mom sticks her nose where it never belongs
You let him know his best friend is a soulless lowlife
He complains when you smack your gum
You roll your eyes when his clothes never match
He loves to slam doors
Almost as much as you love to break glass
He never understands why you read those silly romance novels
You will never play his nerdy video games
He hates you
And you hate him back
Although hate isn’t the right word
Understanding what it is like to be in a real relationship sounds better

I Hope You Are Listening

I wish I could cut you out of my heart
I never knew how far lodged in you were
This process is starting to get messy
The loss of blood is getting to my head
I'm starting to think maybe I should stop now
Sew myself back together
But you'd still be there
Continuing to spread your black venom into my veins
My poor pure heart can't take the abuse
So I keep digging
Keep digging
You will not own me

Maybe if I write this down
Maybe if I say it out loud
Maybe if I stop ignoring the truth
You will leave

Joe Shmoe

I try to read your face like a book.
At first it was short sentences
In English

Nice to meet you.
You want some gum?
Thanks for hanging out with me.

Confusion and hope mixed together
Deadly combination
I tell myself there is no use in liking you
You play for another team(s)
I couldn’t slip on PJ’s without my phone beeping
I try and read your book

I had an amazing time tonight
You looked good
Sleep well

I didn’t have time to read the next few days
Parents are sick
Family is in trouble
No time for sleep
I still received your short sentences

Everything ok?
We should hang out again sometime
I’m always here for you

When its time to party I have you at my side
I drown out fears by looking at your smile
I learn things around you that I’ve never learned before
Dead squirrels are top quality
Not everyone wears all white to their weddings
You make me feel pretty
Keep telling me I’m pretty…
I love when you read to me
Short sentences turning into short stories
I think I’ve heard this story before
Dad is lost
Brother in jeopardy
Mother is a best friend
Read more to me…

I think you’re a great catch
I always have so much fun around you
I can’t wait for tomorrow with you

If it wasn’t from your own mouth I wouldn’t have believed you
Laughing and sharing until 4:30 in the morning
I think I like laying next to you.
Hope and desire mixing together
Deadly combination
Waking up getting ready for you
I was worrying over nothing
Especially when your face showed up at my door step
Awkward moments turning into comfort
Laying in the grass listening to the jazz
Your body heat is warming my skin
You don’t even have to touch me
I know how hot you are.
By the end of the night its getting really easy to read you

You want to watch a movie at your house?
I think we should watch Cruel Intentions
I hope you are having a good time, I know I am.

No choice is given I am sitting next to you
The movie turns on, lights turn off
Your hand on my thigh burns
I haven’t done this in a while
Long story really, I will read it to you sometime.
By the end of the night I don’t even have to hear words
I read your face like a book
The feeling is mutual
Trust and taking down barriers
Deadly combination
I haven’t had time to read
I’m sorry, family calls
Same shit another day
Dad is sick
Mom is crying
You’re short sentences bring my heart peace

How is your day going?
How was the movie?
I will write tomorrow

Looking forward to seeing you
Time is flying by
I don’t see you’ve written.
Im searching but the pages are blank
This isn’t like you
Will you read to me?
Time shows my answer
Still blank
When I ask you to write we are back to short sentences

I’m sorry I haven’t written, I’ve been busy
I can’t go tonight I’m going to see my father
I’ll write later

Your English confuses me
I think it’s really Japanese
No matter what translator I try to use
It never adds up
Do I read left to right?
Or is it right to left?
I keep reading the words over and over again
All the frustration and confusion
Is a deadly combination

....

Now when I look at your book all I see is your face
Haunting me, staring at me
Reminding me of your body heat
Your smile
Your once sweet short sentences
I have to close the book now
The hot pools of water dripping down my cheek burn
Patience, hope, trust you will write again to me.
Deadly combination

A Daughter's Prayer

Save him
Save him
From his own hands
From the bottle
The men
The drugs
I will pray for the both of us
I will carry his cross too.
Save him
Save him
From his sharp tongue
From the influences
The friends
The unloved
I will suffer for the both of us
I will surrender blood from these pours too
Save him
Save him
From his broken heart
From the insecurities
The money
The nice clothes
I will repent for the both of us
I will forgive him too

God, just save him.

Accept the Never Change

Born into a naïve society
Blind.
What’s done is done
You will never change
Keep growing
How will you take it?
Unsure time will pass
Twenty three years
Hope is on the horizon
Bright future ahead
In your darkest hour
Help is on the way
Can you feel me?
Warm heat surrounding your suicidal heart
Now son you can see.
Open your eyes
The light is too bright
Adjust
Accept the never change
Listen to my beating heart
We are the same
Naïve society will cast the first stone

Are they without sin?

Un día mi hijo que usted comprenderá

Disappointment

I’m thinking best friend.
You’re thinking convenience.
I listen to your problems
You ignore mine
I told you my fears
You exposed every one.
I let you cry on my shoulder
You give me the cold shoulder
I think you will come around
You never will

I’m thinking parental figure
You’re thinking too much responsibility
I try and make you proud
You mock my efforts
I save your life over and over
You take mine
I cover up your dark skeletons
You create more for me
I reach for your hand
You choose to sink deeper
I think you will be here for me
You prove me wrong

I’m thinking relationship
You’re thinking just another fling
I only kiss your lips
You search for others
I give you myself
You give me lies
I help you to succeed
You prevent me from flying
I think marriage
You leave me heartbroken

Get Out Alive

Nails grazing flesh
Scars follow fingers
I am so wrong
Help me baby
Tell me what to do
I told him to be gone
I locked myself in the cage
Slap me boy
Show me who is boss
Whip me when I’m wrong
Lesson learned.
Tie me up
Tie me down
Light me on fire
Burn all that evil out of me
Until there’s nothing left
Oh God…
You are always right
I have it all wrong
Always
Let me lick the wound
You’re bleeding
Let me tend to you
What was I thinking?
You know everything.
I’m wrong again
Choke the life out of me
Oh I like that
Now it feels right

It Feels So Good

You're gone
I am isolated, solo, alone
You're gone
I am sobbing, weeping, crying
You're gone
I am fretting, fearing, worrying
You're gone
I am trembling, quivering, shaking
You're gone
I am mislead, confused, stressed
You're gone
I am ill, sick, weak
You're gone
I am bleeding, damaged, beat
You're gone
I am persuading, proceeding

I am moving on.

Concrete Love

He is devouring our beautiful Goddess
A piercing cry thunders through the universe
Her essential secrets will never erupt.

Her life spirals downward, struggling to survive
His promise he devoured
Their masterpiece is a dream

The window of chance opens their momentary condition
Now his invitation of repentance is enough
New ground for forgiveness was embraced
She recalls the passion of their concrete love

The poison of yesterday's problems erased.

Dad's Saturn

My feet can't touch the floor
I like it that way
Swinging one foot in front of the other
In my dad's new Saturn.
Pure Innocence

My bare feet graze the floor
I like it that way
Letting the carpet fit in between my toes
In my dad's almost new Saturn.
Blank Canvas

My feet are crossed on the floor
I like it that way
My arms match my feet
In my dad's Saturn
Set in my ways

My feet touch the peddles
I like it that way
My hands grip the wheel
In my dad's old Saturn
Pure innocence

Reflection In the Mirror

Smite me Demon
Bring to me death
I only have misery & guilt
You know my artificial heart will only leave you disappointed
& In starvation is where you will stand
I can assure you my blood is pure
Although in an ally it looks black
I can only hope your wrath will be great
& that your victory may taste sweet
I can see at this point my armor will do me no good
This is no battle
It is war
Remember,
In the end justice will kill us both
So murder me if that is what you choose
Break my gates with your seduction
Pierce my heart with your insecurity
Burn my castle with your fears
But, you will never reach the tip of the steeple
Where my true self will conquer
I am not afraid of death
It is no longer catastrophic
It can not be
I am already staggering in isolation
Where I will forever lye
Where I have always been
I never would have thought It would be the cause
Of my own
Destruction

Eternal Slumber

This relationship is about to get physical
You better take some steps back
I'm beyond reasonable

I'm drawing the line
Cross it, and there are no rules
You will become mine
I'll make your world shake
Give you more hell
Then you are prepared to take

Rage consumes me without a care
My veins carry boiling blood
That I am prepared to spill everywhere

Don't think I won't put you six feet under
There you will forever lye
In an eternal slumber

Unfinished

Once again you're at my front door
I can't believe how good you still look.
& it hurts that we are not together
Deep inside I know we won't be
But, a cloud of hope deceives me

Once again you come to me broken
I can't believe I'm falling for my own heart breaker
& yet you look so innocent
Deep inside I know you are not what I look for
But, a wall of curiosity blocks my view.

Once again I am getting mixed signals.
I can't believe you are dating someone else.
& yet for some reason you are here with me tonight
Deep inside I know I shouldn't love you
But, a latter of lust makes me go further

Once again you leave me standing alone at my front door.
I can't believe you still leave me breathless
& Yet I seem to despise you even more.
Deep inside I might just hate you.
But a bottle of honesty keeps my soul locked up.