Men seeking Women

On this boring Thursday I have been trying to keep myself busy with something at work besides twiddling my thumbs all day. I have even been looking at craigslist…I know. Sometimes I read it. Anyway, I came across the “men seeking women” adds and some of these are blog worthy!

“Seeking Fun Chubby Chaser – Looking for a female accepting of very large men. I’m 6’7 and weigh about 420 – I’m gigantic. Also must be willing to put up with offensive jokes in public, and like movies.”

Ok where do I even begin to start with this one? I am by no means a skinny girl. I will be the first to admit it. I’d like to think however my personality makes up for the lack of beauty if you will. So if you expect me to go out with you and your 420lb self you BETTER be funny or something! If you think I am going to date you when you are “gigantic” AND make offensive jokes in public you are so sadly mistaken!

NEXT…

“Just A Dude – I work full time, I go to school part time. So I don’t really have a lot of time to hang out. All of my friends are either married or alcoholics. I really don’t like to drink. Hit me up, I will try and pensile you in.”

…hold up aren’t you trying to get a girl to pensile YOU in? Let me get this straight you don’t have any time. Your friends are losers and you still hang out with them? Wow good luck with that hunt buddy!

NEXT…

“Hi Ladies - Ladies, if you are looking for a normal down to earth good looking, non-freak guy that you can have a good time with hit me up! I am clean, funny, good looking, and am here for fun, NOTHING SERIOUS! Anything you would like to know all you need to do is ask and I will tell you. I am not a PIG or a DESPRATE guy, all I am looking for is fun, fun, fun! Life is to short to deal with BS and DRAMA! Ages 18 to 45 welcome. I like older women that are mature and skilled and can hold a conversation among other things”

Fun fun fun? Anyone that has in all caps pig or desperate usually means they are. I mean what I get from this add is that you are just looking for sex and you have to post to get women…hmm. But way to go on givin’ the old ladies some lovin’ too.

NEXT…

“My gawd this is embarrassing -

Hi. I'm just going to come out with things from the start:

I've never had any luck with women. Never kissed, never gotten laid, never held hands on a summer's evening... ever. There, now you know, so everything else about me can sound less impressive by comparison. You're welcome. Really, I think I'm a pretty great guy. Maybe its just the kind of girls I have always been attracted to. I don't know. It is rare that I really like a girl, so maybe I'm just too picky? You can help me figure that out... I've gotten to the age where family and co-workers stop wondering 'if' I am gay, and just assume I am. I've got to do something about this, and since all my friends think I'm gay anyway, I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of asking to be set up. They don't know anyone good anyways, my friends are dopes. No, I didn't mean that, I have a really awesome friends, they just don't know attractive single girls. By profession, I'm a computer programmer. Nerdy as they come, I can code my way not only out of a paper bag, put into a plastic one, and double bag it at the same time. I'm good at what I do. Why my ability to type syntax and sort alphanumeric arrays, hasn't resulted in attention from you ladies, is beyond me. I'm leet, for crying out loud! Like all computer programmers, chess players, and serial killers, I have high OCD tendencies. (I made up the serial killer part, so relax. I'm sure thats only half-true.) I like to do things for long periods of time.(insert double-entendre here) This can be a little much for most people, if I come onto a topic I'm interested about I will not want to get off of it for hours. There is an up-side to this though, as I've ran all the real big-life-questions into the ground. (Religion, meaning of life, morals, fate, breakfast, etc) Now, I would rather spend most of my time listening. Yep, you heard me. I'm a good listener, I'll admit it. I'm a healthy person. I like to exercise, I like to eat healthy/vegan. I ride my bike everywhere. I'm simply not attracted to any girls who don't take care of their bodies. Physical health comes second to intelligence, and I'm even less attracted to girls that don't stay in shape mentally. Now, you should know, I'm a total idiot, and I seem to get stupider with age. But I would kill to find a girl who was brilliant. (Serially if I had to.) (Haha, serial killer jokes in an online personal ad. I'm so funny.) Oh, I just remembered. I'm a funny bastard! Maybe not in the classic way, where I actually make people laugh, but close enough. I can crack myself up sometimes, which is quite an accomplishment, given that I get very depressed sometimes. (What? I am. Have you not read yet? I'm a 27-year-old virgin. What do you expect?) I'm a pretty good-natured person, but it is true I can get very somber. My own life experiences coupled with the deteriorating state of the human condition, is a real downer. Still, I keep a cool scene where ever I go. Trust me, I'm fun. :) Lets see, what else is there to say about me... I have an artistic side, though I won't claim it to be my best side under any circumstance. I'm thinking of buying a camera and getting into photography. Which seems like a good enough reason to start traveling too. I also would like to go see some theater locally, now that I live closer to it. So yeah. One single, fit, and tidy male. For rent or lease. OBO Your picture gets mine. Limited time offer, no CODs. (Dear god, I know you and me don't see eye-to-eye about you existing, but if there still a girl out there for me, I'll totally give you ten percent of my income until the day I die - if you can get her to respond to this ad.)”

Wow – did any of you really read that whole thing? He lost me at never been kissed never held hands at the age of 27…yikes.

Oh, now I know what I am going to do whenever I get bored!