Lessen Learned.

It has been a long, long time since I have been to a keg party. Let’s just say I am a little “rusty” when it comes to dealing with all the drunks! I went with two girlfriends of mine to a lady’s birthday party (I say lady because I really can’t remember her name). I have however forgotten how HILARIOUS drunk people are sometimes.

Drunken victim #1 started the night off quiet and dressed. As the night progressed, he had a clothing “change” and a personality change. He insisted on wearing a black, zip up hoodie, with the zip down showing the chest hair (or lack there of). He also insisted on trying to offend anyone around him. His stories consisted of peanut butter/toes/dogs, if he were a woman/foreign objects, bishop/ “special love”, and sexy shoes/wishing he was a girl. He even decided it would be a great idea to pee in front of everyone. Apparently by the end of the night he was so sloshed and then ended up disappearing. I will be watching the news tonight just to make sure he wasn’t stabbed and thrown in the “gully” somewhere.

Drunken victim #2 had one cup of beer and was seeing double. The more she had to drink the more friendly she was with everyone. She had on some clobbering high heels and couldn’t stand up on them without having some type of shoulder to lean on. She ended up drunk dialing her husband; I guess he was a little tipsy too. I wish I had that conversation on tape, just for laughs.

Drunken victim #3 was just asking for it. She probably has very low self esteem which is sad. She came with a boy who didn’t even look at her the whole time. He was instead checking out our chests. She was begging for attention though. This included her pumping the keg, and blurting out “Oh I have had a lot of experience with this!”. Also, she bent down and made sure half her underwear and butt was hanging out for all the boys to see. My favorite part was watching her desperately clutch to the boy she came with and laughing so hard about nothing that the beer in her cup splattered all over herself AND the boy next to her. He was not pleased.

Drunken victim #4 was by far my favorite one. He came walking through the door with his chest puffed out, thinking he was the man. He would tell us girls stories of how good his singing was, especially in Spanish. He was so good women would rip off their pants for him. He even admitted that the songs were usually by Enrique Iglesias, though he wouldn’t give us a little preview of his special talent. Half way through the party his girlfriend decides to show up. Parking her car half way in the road she went to see her man. While we all ended up leaving he decided to give me a hug goodbye, ended up squeezing by butt in front of his girlfriend (nice!).

All of this is always a good reminder why I don’t do that with my life anymore. Too much of that is a mess. My friend and I went there completely sober and left completely sober. I can’t imagine living my life that way. I did have a great time though mingling with the girls and having some good stories to share.

Now if only the drunken victims could remember