Dear Mom,

I took this picture of you on our last 4th of July together back in 2008. We went swimming at the local pool, and I was taking pictures. You kept covering you face, because lets face it - thats how you were. But, I did manage to get at least one.


It's almost been a year since you've been gone. A whole year. July is the month that you died, and I am not sure how to handle July anymore. Normally I get really excited for the 4th of July. It's always been one of my favorite holidays. I have really great memories of when we would eat KFC (even though you know I don't like that place - yuck!), then we head over to the field across from the Stadium of Fire, eat dinner, play games, and mostly just relax. Last year I had this major panic attack over the fact that you were in the hospital and I couldn't spend my normal 4th of July with you. I remember finally calling you, and crying about how horrible this day was going to be for me. It was selfish, but I wouldn't have gotten through the day if you didn't say

"It's ok Rachel, go with Brandon and his family. The next year when I am better, you will have an excuse to take Brandon to our 4th of July."

I really did believe that this weekend I'd be spending it with you, as usual. Funny how life keeps on going, even when I'm positive it can't. It doesn't even feel like a year, some days it feels like it was yesterday. However, even though this month is going to be hard I am going to have a summer, and go with the family to the field, eat KFC, play games with the family, and watch the fire works. I had a good time looking at these past pictures of us on the 4th of July. I'm going to take extra pictures this year, so that years from now I'll have a bunch to look at and remember. I really miss you. I still think about you every single day.






Love,
Rachel