Dear Mom,

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

If you were to listen to my head right now, that is all you would hear. Sometimes you get to this breaking point in life where your head just goes into overdrive and then the screaming starts. It's actually kind of relaxing compared to what I've been listening to in my head before.

So can I just get the crappy part out of the way? Here are some updates. Ron is starting to become manic again, which is freaking me out. I really don't need a repeat of what happened only a few months ago with him. The doctor adjusted his medications and its painfully obvious that it isn't working right now. How did you deal with those doctors? I get so frustrated that they change things all the time, and it is proven over and over that it doesn't work. Last night I had a panic attack over it when Alyssa called me worried, but I'm hoping we have the situation under control right now. Again, only time will tell.

Things in my personal life are getting a little sticky too. Friendships and relationships are standing still these days. Is it me? Or is it them? I'm not sure so for right now I'm going to lye low, and see what happens.

Other then that life isn't horrible. Even if I complain like it is. Work is good, school is good. I'm not pulling my hair out over my dad. Thats good right?

I miss you so much. I can't believe it has been over six months since I last saw you. You'd think the pain would be easier, but it isn't. I still often cry myself to sleep. I think the worst part is that most people don't understand where I am coming from. I can talk about it over and over to people but they don't know what it is really like. A lot of people can move on, and for the most part you have to fake like you are moving on too, ya know? People don't ask, and I don't tell kind of thing. I wish they knew though, I wish they really knew.

I love you Mom.

-Rach