What a week. I'm starting to get to the point where I am scared to open my eyes the next morning. Each day gets worse with bad news.
Yesterday at work we had another corporate lay-off. I feel like I have to whisper this to people because it is some type of curse word.
Lay-off, fired, canned, "let go".
It sounds harsh even to my own ears. I immediately want to cover them and act like nothing bad is happening. However, to deny we are in horrible times would be a sick joke.
In march of 2008 XanGo had their first lay off since they opened their doors. I wasn't surprised by this to be honest. I knew the numbers, I knew things were getting tight. I was so stupid then to think that this company needed me. When I survived the entire fiasco I told myself I deserve to be here.
We went through a lot of changes and made it. We made it work when I thought for sure we were in the crapper. I saw a lot of good friends leave and become bitter over XanGo. I felt like I lost friendships simply over the fact that I was still here, and they were not.
Here we are - in the worst recession my generation or my parents generation have seen. For a company to stay alive they have to make changes. Yesterday I wanted to hide under my desk and pretend like I didn't see the boxes, the empty car lot, the tears. For the first time I really don't believe I am safe, or anyone is safe. Somehow I am just extremely lucky to still be standing.
Coming in to work today is like coming back to battle grounds and we are hear to pick up the pieces and do the best we can with what we have left. My heart goes out to the families who are affected by this. I hope they find bigger and better things to move on to.
I survived round two, but at this point I doubt I'll survive many more.
3.13.2009
3.12.2009
A series of unfortunate events
Well, not all of them are unfortunate... last night my mom was diagnosed with Guilain-Barre syndrome. It's a disorder where your own immune system attacks your nervous system. The treatment is getting high doses of immunoglobulin (or better known as antibodies) into her system to help fight off the problem. I am very glad to know they finally have figured out what is going wrong and how to fix it. I went to visit her yesterday and she is finally starting to sleep and the numb feeling she has is starting to fade. With fingers crossed she should be home this weekend after the treatment is complete. It may take her several months to fully recover - I think we all are ready for her to be better. I brought her some flowers.
My mom nor I have the women gene of loving flowers. Neither one of us really care to get it - yeah it's nice for about two seconds until it wilts away. However, I think the more colorful, different looking ones are worth getting. They can lift your spirits when all you have are four white walls, machines, and tubes to look at all day. I think she appreciated them as well. It's amazing what a little color can do to your life.
As far as the unfortunate event, while I was walking down the hospital hall I ran into my ex's brother and his wife. I knew someday I would end up dealing with seeing his family, or probably even Adam himself. I think in my head I thought I would be strong and say hello and pretend like I don't have a care in the world.
Boy was that a fantasy! I decided to keep to myself and not say anything if I had to, I wanted to avoid the awkwardness. However as we passed each other and I turned just to make sure it was actually them I hear the brother say to his wife...
"Yeah, she looked a lot better when she was with Adam."
Ouch. Way to kick me while I'm down. I guess I am always surprised (even though I shouldn't be) when people act this way. Why go out of your way to hurt someone who you didn't even know? I dated Adam for two years and not one of his family members, besides probably his father, even knew who I was or got to know me. It's too bad people are like that, and it's too bad I let people like that get to me.
I'm sticking to the positive here though - my mom will soon be getting better. At the end of the day that is all that matters.
My mom nor I have the women gene of loving flowers. Neither one of us really care to get it - yeah it's nice for about two seconds until it wilts away. However, I think the more colorful, different looking ones are worth getting. They can lift your spirits when all you have are four white walls, machines, and tubes to look at all day. I think she appreciated them as well. It's amazing what a little color can do to your life.
As far as the unfortunate event, while I was walking down the hospital hall I ran into my ex's brother and his wife. I knew someday I would end up dealing with seeing his family, or probably even Adam himself. I think in my head I thought I would be strong and say hello and pretend like I don't have a care in the world.
Boy was that a fantasy! I decided to keep to myself and not say anything if I had to, I wanted to avoid the awkwardness. However as we passed each other and I turned just to make sure it was actually them I hear the brother say to his wife...
"Yeah, she looked a lot better when she was with Adam."
Ouch. Way to kick me while I'm down. I guess I am always surprised (even though I shouldn't be) when people act this way. Why go out of your way to hurt someone who you didn't even know? I dated Adam for two years and not one of his family members, besides probably his father, even knew who I was or got to know me. It's too bad people are like that, and it's too bad I let people like that get to me.
I'm sticking to the positive here though - my mom will soon be getting better. At the end of the day that is all that matters.
3.11.2009
Porters Place
If you were to ask me if I ever lived in Lehi, Utah I would smile and say "Do you think a girl like this would live there?" My confession is yes, I did - once. I don't remember it because I was so young when living there but that doesn't mean I'm not there a lot. Growing up my entire family on my dads side lived in Lehi. I spent many days and nights roaming the streets and causing as much trouble as I could in a city full of cows.
One of my favorite places to sit down and drink an iron port is Porters Place.
This restaurant was built in Lehi back in 1971. Although most of the artifacts were created in the 1800's. The restaurant is named after one of my heros "The Destroying Angel" or better known as Orrin Porter Rockwell. His picture is all over the place. When I step inside, I feel like I've traveled back to old western times, not many places can do that for me.
My favorite part by far is their bar. It came from a saloon in Montana and was made in 1881.
Here are more pictures of inside the restaurant...
And here is the outside...
Rumor has it they are tearing the building down for something bigger and better. I hate to see it go, especially because a lot of childhood memories are in that small building.
Just for fun here are some facts about Mr. Rockwell
- Joseph Smith promised Porter that if he never cut his hiar his enemies would never harm him. (That prophecy was fulfilled)
- He was one of the first converts to the LDS church, and was a close friend to Joseph Smith
- He was ordained a seventy in the church, a position he held throughout his life
- Through out his life he had four wives
- Rockwell served as Joseph Smith's and Brigham Young's bodyguard
- He was accused and jailed for the attempted assassination of Missouri Lt. Gov. Boggs. (Boggs issued the infamous ex-termination order" to the Mormons. Joseph Smith said he knew Porter didn't shoot Boggs because Porter wouldn't have missed.
So I guess even a place like Lehi has it's little gems.
One of my favorite places to sit down and drink an iron port is Porters Place.
This restaurant was built in Lehi back in 1971. Although most of the artifacts were created in the 1800's. The restaurant is named after one of my heros "The Destroying Angel" or better known as Orrin Porter Rockwell. His picture is all over the place. When I step inside, I feel like I've traveled back to old western times, not many places can do that for me.
My favorite part by far is their bar. It came from a saloon in Montana and was made in 1881.
Here are more pictures of inside the restaurant...
I love the painting of Porter.
And here is the outside...
Rumor has it they are tearing the building down for something bigger and better. I hate to see it go, especially because a lot of childhood memories are in that small building.
Just for fun here are some facts about Mr. Rockwell
- Joseph Smith promised Porter that if he never cut his hiar his enemies would never harm him. (That prophecy was fulfilled)
- He was one of the first converts to the LDS church, and was a close friend to Joseph Smith
- He was ordained a seventy in the church, a position he held throughout his life
- Through out his life he had four wives
- Rockwell served as Joseph Smith's and Brigham Young's bodyguard
- He was accused and jailed for the attempted assassination of Missouri Lt. Gov. Boggs. (Boggs issued the infamous ex-termination order" to the Mormons. Joseph Smith said he knew Porter didn't shoot Boggs because Porter wouldn't have missed.
So I guess even a place like Lehi has it's little gems.
3.10.2009
Today I feel exactly like the man in the blue shirt...
Don't you just love it when people try to fight you about something irrelevant? I have come to realize that some people in your life you will just never get along with. Let's face it, people get stuck in their ways being too prideful and its just the same old song and dance over and over again. I now know that the people in my life who I do not get along with I dont need to get along with. I do not need to be their best friend either - it's just not going to happen. Why can't others accept that?I can act civil believe it or not. Just because I am a 21 punk kid with no "real life" experience (or so I'm told) doesn't mean I don't know how to shut my mouth and behave when I need to. I'm not here to fight, I'm not here to cause more problems. However, if you expect me to sit down and work things out I won't. It's not worth it to me. Maybe sometime later in my life, but not here, not now.
In other Rachel news my mom is still sick. I have really high hopes things will get better - even when I call everyday and the news is always worse. She went back into the hospital last night after a collapse. I think she isn't getting very much oxygen and her body is just far too weak right now. I feel very guilty about the entire situation. I want to be there for my mom as much as possible. I feel selfish that I am going to work and school or doing things with my friends on the weekend while she and my family are probably miserable. At the same time, what can I do? I'm already dying on the inside about it - it breaks me down. I feel so depressed. I've visited her a few times but I don't want to get in the way right now. She probably needs a lot of alone time to sleep and heal. I'm thinking of doing something cool with my siblings over the weekend. I just need to figure out some ideas and come up with some strength to do it.
3.09.2009
Saturday Night Bowling Fever
I have not bowled in a very long time. Why you ask? Simply because I make a giant fool out of myself. I slip and slide all over the waxed floor, roll my ball right into the gutter, and barley pass a score of 50 by the end of the game. I decided to give it another shot because lets face it - I do live in Utah and we all know the only things to do here are watch movies, eat out, and bowl. So I gathered friends and headed out for the night.
The amazing people who rocked it out bowling (left to right): Trent, KaraLee, Tommy, McKay, Michael, Denice, Michael, Brandon, Brittni, Me, Dallin, Danny, Jen, Michael, Amelia.When we first got there I was worried no one was going to show up - by the end we had 15 people. Only a few didn't come. Talk about their loss! We ended up using three lanes and played three games.
KaraLee and I ended up wearing the same matching shirts we bought in Park City. She wanted me to change - but I embraced our matchy-ness.
Below is proof that when I actually put my mind to it - I'm not so bad at bowling.
Man, I need to start looking into starting a league - we all were fabulous.
3.05.2009
Get Well Soon
The power of good friends and family is something I never want to take for granted.
My mom has been sick for the last several weeks. It is the same old story. Her body goes into some sort of shock and she is pain - then she goes to the hospital - they can't find anything wrong with her so the drug her up and send her home.
This cycle my family has been dealing with for almost three weeks. It's terribly frustrating when eight different doctors cannot figure out what is wrong. Maybe its an infection, neurological damage, or a virus. The story changes all the time. My poor mother being either in pain or completely drugged up for the last while makes her exhausted. I've never seen her so sick in my life. Although this past week she has been home and not in pain but still struggling to move or speak properly.
Last night however I got a phone call from my dad saying she isn't doing well again. He needed to go to work and asked if I could take the day off to stay with her to make sure she is taken care of. I told him I could but on the inside was breaking down. It's so hard to hear your parents in pain or weak because they are always the strong ones. They don't get sick - my mom is superwoman...what do you mean the outlook is bad?
I cried. Cried. Cried.
While sitting around in my empty house I thought of my wonderful cousin Stephen. He I know is going through some hard times right now as well. He was sent back from the MTC with medical reasons and is having a lot of stress in his life not knowing what to do or whats wrong. Feeling ashamed I am sure. I gave him a call and we talked about everything. We talked about how he is scared of his future and doesnt know what comes next. I told him I was scared to see my mom sick and that I couldn't bare the thought of her being in the hospital.
When I hung up the phone I had a different outlook. Things would be ok, my mom would be ok. She just needs time to let her body heal. Stephen will be ok. He just needs time to let his head be cleared.
Later that night I got a phone call from my dad saying I didn't need to come down the next day to watch her because they were admitting her into the hospital. My dad was very positive about it. At least she now has a place where people can watch and monitor how her body is healing and try to give her different medications to see which works.
I tend to see the negative things in my life a lot easier then the positive. For every negative thing going on in my life I have triple the amount of friends and family who love me and are there for me when I really need it. They help me see no matter what happens I can get through it.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'." - Mary Ann Radmacher
My mom has been sick for the last several weeks. It is the same old story. Her body goes into some sort of shock and she is pain - then she goes to the hospital - they can't find anything wrong with her so the drug her up and send her home.
This cycle my family has been dealing with for almost three weeks. It's terribly frustrating when eight different doctors cannot figure out what is wrong. Maybe its an infection, neurological damage, or a virus. The story changes all the time. My poor mother being either in pain or completely drugged up for the last while makes her exhausted. I've never seen her so sick in my life. Although this past week she has been home and not in pain but still struggling to move or speak properly.
Last night however I got a phone call from my dad saying she isn't doing well again. He needed to go to work and asked if I could take the day off to stay with her to make sure she is taken care of. I told him I could but on the inside was breaking down. It's so hard to hear your parents in pain or weak because they are always the strong ones. They don't get sick - my mom is superwoman...what do you mean the outlook is bad?
I cried. Cried. Cried.
While sitting around in my empty house I thought of my wonderful cousin Stephen. He I know is going through some hard times right now as well. He was sent back from the MTC with medical reasons and is having a lot of stress in his life not knowing what to do or whats wrong. Feeling ashamed I am sure. I gave him a call and we talked about everything. We talked about how he is scared of his future and doesnt know what comes next. I told him I was scared to see my mom sick and that I couldn't bare the thought of her being in the hospital.
When I hung up the phone I had a different outlook. Things would be ok, my mom would be ok. She just needs time to let her body heal. Stephen will be ok. He just needs time to let his head be cleared.
Later that night I got a phone call from my dad saying I didn't need to come down the next day to watch her because they were admitting her into the hospital. My dad was very positive about it. At least she now has a place where people can watch and monitor how her body is healing and try to give her different medications to see which works.
I tend to see the negative things in my life a lot easier then the positive. For every negative thing going on in my life I have triple the amount of friends and family who love me and are there for me when I really need it. They help me see no matter what happens I can get through it.
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'." - Mary Ann Radmacher
3.02.2009
Want vs Need
Here is a list of things I want to spend my tax return on:
-Trip to South Carolina
- Canon Rebel XSi
- Macbook
- Digital scrapbooking software
- New clothes
- Photoshop
- Shoes
Here is a list of things I need to spend my tax return on:
- Bills (ugh)
- New windshield
- School loan
- Savings
- Car taxes
GAHHH! Why can't I just be out of control wealthy? I hate having to choose what I should do over what I want to do. I am REALLY trying hard to be adult about this. I am thinking I will be going to South Carolina (I still have several months to save up for that) so that takes up a huge chunk. Then I think I am going to pick three things on my need list to use the money for.
And if God is willing I will somehow get myself that canon. It's my guilty pleasure that I think I deserve :) I mean come on - this plan is the mature thing...right? RIGHT?!?
-Trip to South Carolina
- Canon Rebel XSi
- Macbook
- Digital scrapbooking software
- New clothes
- Photoshop
- Shoes
Here is a list of things I need to spend my tax return on:
- Bills (ugh)
- New windshield
- School loan
- Savings
- Car taxes
GAHHH! Why can't I just be out of control wealthy? I hate having to choose what I should do over what I want to do. I am REALLY trying hard to be adult about this. I am thinking I will be going to South Carolina (I still have several months to save up for that) so that takes up a huge chunk. Then I think I am going to pick three things on my need list to use the money for.
And if God is willing I will somehow get myself that canon. It's my guilty pleasure that I think I deserve :) I mean come on - this plan is the mature thing...right? RIGHT?!?
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