Today I feel exactly like the man in the blue shirt...

Don't you just love it when people try to fight you about something irrelevant? I have come to realize that some people in your life you will just never get along with. Let's face it, people get stuck in their ways being too prideful and its just the same old song and dance over and over again. I now know that the people in my life who I do not get along with I dont need to get along with. I do not need to be their best friend either - it's just not going to happen. Why can't others accept that?

I can act civil believe it or not. Just because I am a 21 punk kid with no "real life" experience (or so I'm told) doesn't mean I don't know how to shut my mouth and behave when I need to. I'm not here to fight, I'm not here to cause more problems. However, if you expect me to sit down and work things out I won't. It's not worth it to me. Maybe sometime later in my life, but not here, not now.

In other Rachel news my mom is still sick. I have really high hopes things will get better - even when I call everyday and the news is always worse. She went back into the hospital last night after a collapse. I think she isn't getting very much oxygen and her body is just far too weak right now. I feel very guilty about the entire situation. I want to be there for my mom as much as possible. I feel selfish that I am going to work and school or doing things with my friends on the weekend while she and my family are probably miserable. At the same time, what can I do? I'm already dying on the inside about it - it breaks me down. I feel so depressed. I've visited her a few times but I don't want to get in the way right now. She probably needs a lot of alone time to sleep and heal. I'm thinking of doing something cool with my siblings over the weekend. I just need to figure out some ideas and come up with some strength to do it.

Saturday Night Bowling Fever

I have not bowled in a very long time. Why you ask? Simply because I make a giant fool out of myself. I slip and slide all over the waxed floor, roll my ball right into the gutter, and barley pass a score of 50 by the end of the game. I decided to give it another shot because lets face it - I do live in Utah and we all know the only things to do here are watch movies, eat out, and bowl. So I gathered friends and headed out for the night.

The amazing people who rocked it out bowling (left to right): Trent, KaraLee, Tommy, McKay, Michael, Denice, Michael, Brandon, Brittni, Me, Dallin, Danny, Jen, Michael, Amelia.

When we first got there I was worried no one was going to show up - by the end we had 15 people. Only a few didn't come. Talk about their loss! We ended up using three lanes and played three games.

KaraLee and I ended up wearing the same matching shirts we bought in Park City. She wanted me to change - but I embraced our matchy-ness.

Below is proof that when I actually put my mind to it - I'm not so bad at bowling.

Man, I need to start looking into starting a league - we all were fabulous.

Get Well Soon

The power of good friends and family is something I never want to take for granted.

My mom has been sick for the last several weeks. It is the same old story. Her body goes into some sort of shock and she is pain - then she goes to the hospital - they can't find anything wrong with her so the drug her up and send her home.

This cycle my family has been dealing with for almost three weeks. It's terribly frustrating when eight different doctors cannot figure out what is wrong. Maybe its an infection, neurological damage, or a virus. The story changes all the time. My poor mother being either in pain or completely drugged up for the last while makes her exhausted. I've never seen her so sick in my life. Although this past week she has been home and not in pain but still struggling to move or speak properly.

Last night however I got a phone call from my dad saying she isn't doing well again. He needed to go to work and asked if I could take the day off to stay with her to make sure she is taken care of. I told him I could but on the inside was breaking down. It's so hard to hear your parents in pain or weak because they are always the strong ones. They don't get sick - my mom is superwoman...what do you mean the outlook is bad?

I cried. Cried. Cried.

While sitting around in my empty house I thought of my wonderful cousin Stephen. He I know is going through some hard times right now as well. He was sent back from the MTC with medical reasons and is having a lot of stress in his life not knowing what to do or whats wrong. Feeling ashamed I am sure. I gave him a call and we talked about everything. We talked about how he is scared of his future and doesnt know what comes next. I told him I was scared to see my mom sick and that I couldn't bare the thought of her being in the hospital.

When I hung up the phone I had a different outlook. Things would be ok, my mom would be ok. She just needs time to let her body heal. Stephen will be ok. He just needs time to let his head be cleared.

Later that night I got a phone call from my dad saying I didn't need to come down the next day to watch her because they were admitting her into the hospital. My dad was very positive about it. At least she now has a place where people can watch and monitor how her body is healing and try to give her different medications to see which works.

I tend to see the negative things in my life a lot easier then the positive. For every negative thing going on in my life I have triple the amount of friends and family who love me and are there for me when I really need it. They help me see no matter what happens I can get through it.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'." - Mary Ann Radmacher

Want vs Need

Here is a list of things I want to spend my tax return on:

-Trip to South Carolina
- Canon Rebel XSi
- Macbook
- Digital scrapbooking software
- New clothes
- Photoshop
- Shoes

Here is a list of things I need to spend my tax return on:

- Bills (ugh)
- New windshield
- School loan
- Savings
- Car taxes

GAHHH! Why can't I just be out of control wealthy? I hate having to choose what I should do over what I want to do. I am REALLY trying hard to be adult about this. I am thinking I will be going to South Carolina (I still have several months to save up for that) so that takes up a huge chunk. Then I think I am going to pick three things on my need list to use the money for.

And if God is willing I will somehow get myself that canon. It's my guilty pleasure that I think I deserve :) I mean come on - this plan is the mature thing...right? RIGHT?!?

My New Love

Blurb people! It's all about blurb.

It's this amazing little website where you can create your own book. It could be anything like your photography portfolio, short stories, or even your own blog. I had a co-worker of mine last year tell me about it and it has always been in the back of my mind to do it I just never have. Now that 2008 is gone I decided to publish all my blog posts in 08. You create an account, download the software, create your book (very user friendly by the way), and then order it.

Here is the cover of my book...

(On a side note the photo is thanks to my main man Michael Wiltbank - check him out here.)

So now my mind is coming up with all sorts of ideas. I love to scrapbook, but lets be honest here - it takes up a lot of time and money to get all those cute little pieces together. I am thinking of buying some scrap booking software creating pages and then using blurb to make a book out of it. I am also thinking of doing some sort of mothers day project this year with a book.

So I just ordered my book today and obviously am way too excited about it. You should get excited to! Check out blurb's website here.

Ash Wednesday

Today it begins.

For those of you who do not know Lent is a forty day long season of fasting and prayer before Easter. Many Christians show their respect for Christ and his forty days in the desert by picking something in their lives they will give up for the time period. The whole thing is very humble. Even if you are not a religious person giving something up to better yourself for such a short amount of time is worth it.

So after some thinking I have decided for Lent I am giving up swearing. Which really sounds silly I know. However, I have been in a habit of swearing a lot - I am less then pleased about it. It will take a conscious effort to come up with other words and to change my thought process. In the past I have given up caffeine or some sort of sweets. The reality is this year I love my coca-cola far to much. If it wasn't my vice in my stressful student life I may have done that again.

I am POSITIVE a lot of gosh - heck - darn - flip - wowzas are going to be flying out of my mouth until Easter. Who knows, by then I may not even care about swearing anymore.

Today it begins.

Ready?
Set?
GO!

**Update - I've already sworn twice today. I WILL do better though.

Fat Tuesday

Note to self: Just because it is a party holiday and lands on a week night does NOT give you the right to party like your parent's are not watching. You will pay for it the morning after.



I sure did have fun though...