Today, like every other Saturday, was spent doing wedding junk. Luckily I had my friend Angel who tagged along with me on my many errands. I picked up my wedding dress after the last alterations were done on it. As I stood there with the dress on, waiting for Angel to hear how to get my bustle to work, I started to panic. In an instant the dress felt too tight, too white, too final.
Was I ready for this? A lifetime where I will never be alone, always having to get approval of choices I want to make, not being able to sleep sideways/upside down/or in the middle of the bed ever again. Some days I let the panic creep in and take over. I often wonder if on my wedding day this will happen. Well, being honest with myself I know this will happen. It's kind of built into my DNA if you will.
I have a fear of being a runaway bride. Because, believe it or not, there is always a 50/50 chance I might bail. Especially on things that are important. So, while I was there staring at myself in this beautiful gown ready to tear it off and burst out the door any second I remembered who I was marring.
Brandon
Which, instantly makes me feel better. Sometimes I can forget that. I think I'm in one of my old relationships where the thought of marriage made me feel like instantly throwing up. I have to remind myself that Brandon isn't the man I'm afraid of. He would let me have my alone time, not be upset if I choose to spend some money on myself without asking, and sleep in the guest room if I ever felt the need to sleep by myself. Thats the kind of man he is.
Does/did anyone else feel the way I feel? I can't help but be amazed how someone can fit so well into my life. All of my normal fears are irrelevant, as long as I end up marrying Brandon.
I'm still bringing my running shoes, just in case.
6 comments:
Should I make sure the doors are locked!?!! You are going to love being married!!:)
I think I'd be more worried if you didn't have panic moments! All will be well. I had a hard time getting used to Isaac and I sleeping in the same space. (I mean, really, 6'4 is not easy to get used to) But now when he spends nights away I hate sleeping by myself. You'll adjust. No worries :)
I love this post. I felt the same way. Just keep remembering why you're doing this, and that'll get you through.
You can always sleep upside down with me. Even though I may get a little weird with all that blood rushing to my head.
See, you found the magic key: The person you're marrying. Sure, panic all you want...it's a ginormous commitment. But, the man who will be your husband will make all the difference in the world. Panicking before is FAR better than panicking after. ( "
cute cute.
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