Wedding Planning Blues

Planning a wedding is total crap.

Seriously. I feel stomped on and used, especially today. You put a lot of faith and trust into people, and then at what seems to be the last minute they let you down. Hello, it is my wedding day - this isn't something that happens all the time. I also don't ask for a lot, but to treat me like this before the wedding and wimp out at the last minute? I feel sick about it.

In this entire process I haven't felt much support, which is probably not true, but it is how I feel. I feel like all of the pressure and responsibility is on my shoulders. I'm worried that in the next short weeks friendships and relationships will be broken, because people are acting like straight up ass holes.

I just want to get through all of this. Please either gut me alive, or have the wedding day get here sooner because I'm not sure I can take any more of this crap.

Ladies, please tell me I am not alone in this feeling. That things like this happen all the time right before the wedding. Someone validate me!!

For the love!

Dear Mom,

Mom! I'm getting married in 18 days! How did any of this happen? I'm still unsure, but basically everything is done for the wedding. I only have a few things to do here and there, so I think for the most part everything is done. It is just a waiting game now. Of course the closer things get the more nervous I get. I wish you were here to give me some amazing advice. So I just have conversations with you in my head. When I get freaked out I pretend what you would say to me.

"Everyone feels scared at this point, I know I did. Brandon is the right one for you, and you are not making a mistake. You've just seen a lot in your life, which makes this harder on you then most people will understand."

This weekend was spent getting things for the condo. Yes, we are living in his condo. Don't get me started on that, but I am trying to make the best of it. We picked out paint, and dad offered to paint for us. You know what a great painter he is - so I'm letting him do his thing. I even got a bed for the place. Brandon and I went to ikea to look around, as luck would have it the exact one I wanted was there in stock, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Every time I go there though, I do think of you. I know how much you loved that place, and how many hours I was stuck there with you. Anyway, the bed looks like this

At the bottom are these big drawers that go around the bed, which I love. Hopefully this will help with my massive clothes problem. The more places I have to store it, the better off I am. Although I have to buy the headboard separate from the bed.

I love it too, there is extra storage in the headboard. Oh ikea, it sure does know what I need sometimes. So things are looking up. I'm starting to get excited about moving, and starting a new life. I'm not sure how well Reggie will do, but I'm trying to stay positive about that. I'm sure he will adjust, just like me.

The holidays are just around the corner too. I'm already thinking about Halloween. Maybe I'll even do another party like last year - it was a blast. Anyway, I miss and love you terribly. I hope everything is good on your end.

Love,
Rachel

August Days

It's that time of the year again when August Birthdays take over my life. Well, it seems like it at least.

Brandon's birthday is a week and a day before mine. We went to eat at the Bayou and did some bowling, which I think he loved. I had a good time hanging out with friends and having them show support for Brandon being 29. It meant a lot to me.






This last weekend Brandon surprised me with a pre-birthday date. We went to Sundance for some horse back riding. Yeah, start getting jealous now.

When I was younger I lived on a farm, and did a lot with horses. Growing up I was always riding horses, but as I've gotten older I haven't been able to do it as much as I want to. So I was a little nervous to jump back on a horse. Although, I shouldn't have been worried about that since I was a pro. Brandon did alright too, especially for it being his first time.


We had a tour guide and two other people come on the trail with us. We went up to Steward Falls, and along the way it was breathe taking.




There were a few scary parts along this trail. Like going downhill, or having my horse want to run a good portion of the time. I forgave him though, because he was a beautiful horse, and his name was Bear.




After about an hour ride we made it to Stewart falls. Which of course is beautiful.




It has to be one of the best dates, and birthday gifts I've ever had. I'm already planning on the next time we go to get a group together. Everyone has to do it at least once. Brandon knows how to make my birthday special. I'm glad I was able to spend some time with him doing something new.

I Am

I am: Your worst nightmare

I think: I'm great with dogs.

I know: That everything happens for a reason, even if I don't know the reason yet.

I want: to break out of my shell more. Do things I'm scared to do. I'm working on it

I have: A wonderful Fiancé, great friends, great family, and a very, very good looking dog.

I dislike: People who are ignorant.

I miss: my mom ♥

I fear: the unknown, which is why I want to break out of my comfort zone. Not being tied down of my fears

I feel: excited and nervous for the future.

I hear: keybords typing

I smell: my lipstick

I crave: slushes and slurpees

I cry: when I'm so frustrated I don't know what to do

I usually: Day dream, all day every day.

I search: on the internet for random pictures I think are beautiful

I wonder: how my wedding day will go. Will I be very nervous? Will I be excited? Will I be calm?

I regret: leaving theater so early. I want to still be on stage doing plays. It's a passion of mine.

I love: Brandon, duh.

I care: too much about what people think about me. A nasty habit for sure

I always: drive too fast

I worry: about things I can't control. Another nasty habit

I am not: someone who will not stand up and fight for what they believe in

I believe: in going with your gut feeling

I sing: every day

I don't always: watch what I say. It gets me into trouble sometimes

I argue: not as much as I use to

I write: in my journal as often as I can

I listen: to my moms advice

I lose: bobby pins - and also find them everywhere

I can usually be found: with my friends

I am scared: of change

I forget: to buy little items when I go to the store. Then kick myself later when I remember I forgot a bunch of things

I am happy: to be alive, and loved

I am learning: to be a better person. I'm also learning who I am all over again

Flash Flood

Today started off with madness when I got to work and the Tour of Utah were everywhere. Our parking lot was so booked, I had to park farther away than usual. Actually, a lot of people at work had to. Later that day, we had a weird thunderstorm that had a street right by our work flood.

And I mean flood!


The smaller black car is owned by one of XanGos IT guys. You should have seen the look on his face when he came out to see his car looking like this...

He had to park on this side of the street because everything else was taken. So, to say the least he was very upset. It does flood here every once in a while usually around April, but I haven't seen it this bad. Just your typical crazy Utah weather I guess!

Happy Birthday Mr. Wilde!

My main man turns 29 today!

So here are 29 reasons why I love him to death!

1. He opens every single door for me. All the time
2. He is the best photographer I know
3. His favorite color is blue
4. He watches Sex in the City and any other girly show I want him to watch with me.
5. He is a very hard worker
6. He finds the positive in every negative situation
7. He is a great cook!
8. He cares about others, and always finds the best in them.
9. He has strange taste in music, art, and movies and wouldn't change them for anyone.
10. He sticks up for what he believes in
11. His slurpees are always mixed with at least three different flavors
12. His strange man crush on Clive Owen
13. He loves Lady GaGa almost as much as I do, and isn't ashamed to admit it
14. Doesn't matter who you are, he can find something to talk about with you.
15. His nerdy love of Star Trek
16. He gives the best hugs. You should try them, although I'm pretty stingy about letting people have them.
17. His laugh
18. Letting me drive his car and listen to the music I want
19. His love for camping and Moab. I can appreciate it, even if I don't want to do it myself
20. He will play all day with Reggie
21. He appreciates and notices the small things
22. When he leaves me little love notes
23. Taking time out to visit my family and his
24. He almost never complains (which is good, because I can complain enough for the two of us)
25. He can always make me laugh
26. That we first bonded over Anne Rice
27. He loves to read
28. His baby blue eyes
29. And especially because he takes such great care of me!

Love you babe. Have a blast being 29, because before you know it 30 will be here. Ha.

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

In case you've been living in a man whole, it is shark week! Discovery channel has been doing shark week since 1987. The same year I was born, coincidence? I think not!

Finally for once other people can live and breathe sharks like I do, it makes me feel like a normal person again. I am in love with sharks, especially the great white.


So in dedication to this amazing week, here are some pictures of these beautiful creatures.













Shark Facts:

• The average shark lives 25 years
• No great white shark has lived in captivity longer than 11 days. Although once in 1981 a shark survived for 16 days before being released.
• More than 70% of known victims of a great white shark attack survive because the shark realizes it has made a mistake and doesn't finish off the prey.
• In the Mediterranean Sea there have been 31 confirmed attacks against humans in the last two centuries
• They can get up to 20 ft and weight up to 5,000lbs
• Sharks can smell one drop of blood in a million drops of water
• The chance of being killed by a shark is one in 300 million. The chance of being killed by airplane parts falling from the sky is one in 10 million
• In one year, a single Great White consumes about 11 tons of food

How awesome is all of that? I love learning more and more about them. I even cuddle with a human size stuffed great white shark named Rex. Oh yeah, I'm that cool.

Remember kids...

Control Freak

One of the hardest lessons in life for me to learn is that I can't have control over everything in my life. Yeah, I guess you could call me a control freak. I work hard for things in my life and when something comes around that only fate has control over, I have a hard time with it.

For example, Brandon has a one bedroom condo in South Salt Lake. Ever since we got engaged we decided to try an sell it to find somewhere bigger, closer to work/school, and have a little yard for Reggie. Of course in this market we have had no real bites with people who are looking to buy, so now it is out for rent. But for me this is when the panic sets in. I feel really hopeless with our wedding only a month and a half away, and its looking like we will have to deal with his condo after all.

In the back of my mind I keep thinking that at the last second someone really awesome will buy/rent out the place, but I need to keep in mind that I don't have control over it. There is a major possibility that I will move in there with him until we are able to sell it. Who knows, fate has a funny way with working things out. I guess piratically every newly wed couple ends up in some small place for a while right?

I need to learn better how to let the chips fall where they will in life. I need to have the attitude that life will not fail me, even if I always think it will.

Sorry people - all I seem to do is blog about downer things. I'm looking forward to a great weekend though, I'm sure I'll have a lot of great things to blog about.

Stay tuned!