Work It Out Girl!

Can I just say this working out three times a week is kicking my trash? I’m on week four of this new habit I am trying to form. Who ever said it takes 30 days to start a habit is W-R-O-N-G! I am not sure I will ever get to the point of,

“Hey look it’s six in the morning let me get up and sweat my brains out for an hour…that sounds wonderful!”

I do feel better these days though. How can you not? My body is more active and wanting to do a lot more things. In fact last Friday I ended up playing softball for a good few hours with the work peeps. – That is a story within itself. Let’s just say the bruises are still recovering from getting hit head on from my boss.

Note to self: Remember this story for future boss black mail.

I want to get to a point of where I am comfortable with myself. I don’t know how long it is going to take me to get there…but damn it I am going to get there if it kills me! KaraLee leaves for Russia today, so I don’t have my usual work out buddy to go with. Fortunately I have suckered another friend at work to go with me. It is a lot easier to keep my goals when I have a work out buddy. I cringe just saying that because I am so independent. It bothers me knowing I can do better with someone’s help.

In other news the single life isn’t as fun as it is cracked up to be. I hate dealing with dumb guys. I think I would hire someone to find me a bunch of men to choose from instead of having to go through all the idiots. Then when I actually find myself liking someone I go through the whole…

What if he doesn’t think I am cute? What if I am not funny enough? What if I am not smart enough? What if he breaks my heart? What if he doesn’t wear jeans?!? <---Inside joke

I think at this point in my life I am trying to stick to my guns. If I keep trying to improve myself for the better good things will happen right?

Twilight Fever

Last Friday was the big day. It was Stephenie Meyer day! KaraLee and I left work early to stand in line to see her and hopefully get good seats. Around 11am we went over to Thanksgiving Point (keep in mind the signing started at 7 that night), and there were already people lined up, so we decided we had to go and stay in line soon. I dropped her off and let her save our spots while I ran to Walmart. It was a beautiful day outside…but it was SO HOT! I am a freaking sissy when it comes to that, so I went to get us some shade. I found these amazing umbrellas that will sit on your camping chair, so I bought three of them.

When I got back to my horror the girls who were in front of me in line to get tickets for this thing were BEHIND me in the line…just my luck! They were so loud and obnoxious everyone around them were complaining. I did get a kick out of the daughter and mother though. They both bought and “custom made” these ugly shirts that I think they paid 55 bucks for?...crazy! Speaking of shirts, can I just say ours were a HIT?!?! Back in high school for a school dance I went to we made these shirts, really simple you get a regular t-shirt from anywhere, get some lettering to cover the shirt (we used stamps, or tape etc…) write what you want on the shirt then spray it with bleach and dry it…wa-la you have your own shirt. It is super cheep and I thought it would just be something fun for us girls to do. Well at the signing we had so much attention over them. I couldn’t walk anywhere with 2-4 people stopping wanting to know how I made them…what they said etc. We had the “major fan cites” for Stephenie Meyer take our pictures to post on their websites…I am sure we are on the world wide web with our amazing shirts on like 16 different websites. After waiting for MANY hours in the hot sun we finally found some pretty dang good seats. We were the 7th row back in the middle. They made an announcement that you could buy as many copies of the host as you wanted there and Stephenie would sign all of them and personalize them with your name in it. KaraLee ended up buying around six to get signed for family and friends. When Stephenie finally came out and started her discussion I started to realize it felt like I was at some nerdy Star Wars convention with all the crazies! People were just going insane over here, like she was Justin Timberlake or something…whoa! After she talked about the Twilight books and The Host she started signing books. Remember we are the 7th row back and it took her two hours to get to us to sign our books. In the mean time I sat to a guy with his wife (yes I know a man was there…amazing!) He was there for his wife so she could get all her copies signed my Stephenie (smart idea…why didn’t I think of that?!?!) Him and I laughed and laughed about the stupidest stuff. My favorite part was when he was talking about why he was here.

Boy: “I am here to get Stephenie’s number, you know in case she wants to leave her husband.”

Me: “Oh yeah? And then you’ll leave your wife too then?”

Boy: “Uh no…we do live in Utah you know.”

Me: “Oh I got you, so you have one woman to be the sugar mama, one to be pretty, and one to raise your children?”

Boy: “Actually I was thinking more along the lines of one to cook me food, one to do my laundry and one to clean my house…”

Me: “Yeah that’s what YOU thought until you got three wives and the next thing you know is YOU have more chores! Three lawns to mow, three PMS women, three different places you have to kill spiders.” He was a riot we had so much fun joking around. Once we were talking with Stephenie after waiting forever she was so amazing, and nice. She wanted to know about our shirts…of COURSE because they are AMAZING…(have I told you the shirts were my idea? Haha) We also asked her questions about Twilight that some girls behind us wanted her to ask. (warning spoilers are ahead if you haven’t read all three twilight books)

Me: “Stephenie, how was the pack able to change into werewolves once all the Cullens left? I thought they only change into werewolves when vampires are around.”

And without even skipping a beat she said…

Stephenie: “All it took was the Cullens to be there when they were. As soon as they showed up, all the werewolves started to change even after they were gone. It was unstoppable.”
They also asked her about how Alice could see Bella becoming a vampire with Edward’s help when Alice cant see something until a choice was made. If you remember right in the first book Bella hadn’t made a choice yet. She answered the question saying that Alice could see only two options for Bella, being a vampire or death. I just thought Stephenie was amazing, and I got my Twilight book, Eclipse book, and Host book all signed. We all had an amazing time, if you get a chance to meet her or do something like this, seriously do it!

Truth Be Told

Sitting alone in a house she lived in but could never call home, she tried to embrace the darkness. This wasn’t like her. She never had to try. She always was alone, she welcomed it. Silence was a comfort to her no on else could ever give. Tonight though was a different story. Little did he know, but she was thinking of him too.

For once in years she wanted to be held. She wanted to be protected and not fight this battle alone. She wanted to be called angel, she wanted someone to find the true value of herself. As a trader tear rolled down her cheek she was more grateful then ever she had all her thoughts to herself. It would be a shame if they all knew how she really felt.

She ran the tips of her fingers down her Great Danes back. He was her protector after all, and would love her better than any other male could. In appreciation the dog sighed and nuzzled his head in-between her arms. He knew her feelings, he heard her screaming heart. He would always keep her secrets.

***

Several miles away the young mans heart was breaking too. How could he live like this? He was controlled by his own inner demons, he couldn’t shake them. No matter how convincing his smile was the monster in the back of his head still whispered to him. Told him the truth. Reminded him that his betrothed would never be good enough.

The grandfather clock charmed one only reminded him how much time he had wasted on that couch. How much closer his spiritual death was coming. He knew what his obligation was, and he intended to finish what he started. But what if…?

Running his hands over his bald head he tried to shake the question. No ifs, no more. He had to figure out a way to end this torture. How? What was it going to take to silence all his fears, all his weaknesses, all of his heart? Deep down he knew the answer, now it was only a matter of how fast he could reach her.

***

She pours herself some grape juice in a wine glass. She was never able to acquire the taste for wine, but drinking from the glass always made her feel better. Lighting a candle her eyes adjusted to the new flicker of light in the room. She laid across her love seat. Glancing up at the clock she couldn’t believe it was past midnight already. All these sleepless nights were catching up with her quick. Love, she thought to herself that was the reason.

Staring up at the ceiling she pretends its all stars. She couldn’t stop the thought of knowing he had seen the exact stars she was dreaming of now. If she closed her eyes she could still smell him, taste him, hear him. Chuckling to herself she found it ironic that she remembered him so well. She had one of the worst memories known to man. Her thoughts drifted to the other girl. That other girl who would cling to her man whenever she was present. The other girl who did everything in her power to keep her best childhood friend away. The thought of dealing with the other girl, made her exhausted.

Before she knew it she was drifting off into sleep, until she swore she heard a knock at the door.

***

She had to be home. Who would leave a candle lit while gone? He knocked again wondering if this was a sign. Maybe this shouldn’t work out. Maybe he should swallow his pride and move on with his life as intended. What was he going to say anyway? He pulled the collar of his leather jacket closer to his face. Stepping off the porch he took a bigger look at the house. In her front room was the candle lit. Everything else was pitch black. This was like her. He knew tonight she was somber. If only he could reach her, tell her.

Baby answer me

***

She let her feet touch the cold hard wood floor. Goosebumps spreading all down her arms and legs. Her body was trying to tell her something that her mind could not understand. Listening to the silence she was trying to remember what she had dreamt about. What was she doing again? Oh yes, her ritual of self pity and grape juice. How pathetic. It only got like this when another one bit the dust.

Dating was the most childish game. It was never on her agenda until she received his wedding announcement. His fiancés doing she was sure. Another twist of the dagger in her back. She was tired of waiting around for him anyway. Dating seemed like the only other option to free herself from his bond.

Her canine’s whimpering snapped her back into reality. He was making circles around the front door. His normal sign of wanting to go outside. She wondered why he wanted to go outside now. Normally he was too far gone asleep. Getting up she walked towards the door hearing screeching tires outside. She knew her protector heard something outside and wanted to investigate.

Turning the lock she opened the door where the dog quickly ran out. There she stood frozen. Her lungs were filled with fresh scent of him. Her heart and lungs immediately collapsed knowing she was playing tricks on herself once again. Stepping out onto the porch she stepped onto unstable ground.

Picking up the leather jacket, she held it to her nose. Tears started to pour from her blood shot eyes. Shrugging on the jacket she went back inside. Her Dane immediately went to curl up in his bed. Blowing out the candle she lays across the couch. She wouldn’t even admit it to herself, but she slept better that night then she had in years.

Love, she thought to herself was the reason.

The 411

I decided about a week ago that I am tired of the way I look, I am ready to make a change in my diet and exercise of course. This is NEVER easy as I am sure most people know. Every day is a new day with more temptations. I am actually surprised because once I finally put my mind to it the rest of my body seems to follow. In some ways it makes it easier for me to deal with choices when I have already made up my mind. – Crazy concept eh? How many times have we been preached to about that but never really tried?

Work is getting… well… lets say special. Three of us ladies work on my team. One announced not too long ago they were going to Russia for the summer, and the other yesterday put in their two weeks notice. Which leaves yours truly. I try not to worry but my wonderful “higher ups” have a hard time coming up with solutions. Procrastination seems to be a common thing among them. Once a decision is made, usually it is all wrong. I think it is hard to make a change when you don’t even know how the change will effect the job, but that is just me though.

My stress o meter has about reached its limit! Things in my personal life seem to be getting harder and harder. I often wonder why we are handed obstacles and challenges in our lives. The pain and suffering in the moment never seems worth it to me. I am sure one day I am going to look back on this and having meaning to why I have the challenges that I do.

I can’t wait to see the outcome of some of these problems. I am hoping it all works out for the better.

You know you are obsessed with books when...

…you go to the borders store at 3:30 in the morning to get a new copy of The Host, and a ticket to go to the book signing of Stephanie Meyer.

Oh believe me, you read that right. I thought it would be an amazing idea to wake up and get ticket to see her this morning. She is coming to Thanksgiving point next Friday the 16th to do a discussion and a book signing. My little sister was the lady who introduced me to the Twilight saga, and I thought it only appropriate to get her a ticket as well. Also, being the sweet, sweet, friend I am I got KaraLee some tickets too.

KaraLee called me last night around 7ish to let me know the borders down in Provo already had people camping outside of the store waiting for the store to open the next morning at 8am. I at that point thought my chances were shot to hell, and almost decided to not go. The problem is once I have my mind on something I really can’t let it go. I am completely stubborn.

So this morning I woke up at 3 and go to the store around 3:30. When I got there I was about the 45th person in line. Can I just tell you I am an AMATURE when it comes to this crap. People had tents, chairs, food, drinks, movie players, cards, friends. I brought myself, a cell phone, and a book, for four and a half hours. Let’s just say lesson learned and leave it at that!

The line (this is at the front I didn't have time to get a picture of all the way to the end)

The best part of the experience was sitting next to the biggest freaks I swear! The boy to my right (that’s right I said boy) was playing sudoku and leaning over my shoulder the whole time trying to read what I was writing on my phone…annoying!

The two girls to my right were the best though.

Girl #1: “Hey, if you could have sex with any one of the Twilight characters who would it be?”

Girl #2: “Emmett! All the way! It is all about the animal sex baby! I like it that way”

Girl #1: “OMG! I know right?”

Girl #2: “So how did it go with Walker last night? You get any?”

Girl #1: “Well, no I mean I thought about making out with him, but then I got too scared. He had his hand right next to mine the whole time we watched the movie.”

Girl #2: “If a guy does that, it means he totally wants you. You blew it, you should have held his hand, I am sure he likes you.”

Girl #1: “OMG! I know right? I’ve just been single forever I forget how to date people.”

Girl #2: “Me and Cody are still dating. He told me he loved me like a month a go.”

Girl #1: (Gasping in horror) “Wow! And what did you say back to him? I NEED DETAILS!”

Girl #2: “I just smiled and said thank you.”

Girl #1; (Sighs) “I wish I had a boyfriend that told me he loved me. I haven’t had sex in over three years.”

Girl #2: “Wow we need to change that ASAP!”

Girl #1: “OMG! I know right?”

Girl #2: “Me and Cody started having sex after dating for two and a half weeks. His parents were right next door. I hate doing it and having to be quiet it’s so annoying!”

Girl #1: “Yeah I hate that, I think I need to get in a relationship soon.”

Girl #2: “Yeah, women who don’t have boyfriends are losers! It just shows how unwanted they are. I have only been single for five months when I was 15, other than that I’ve been with someone my whole life. Single people are pathetic.”

Girl #1: “OMG! I know right?”

I think I lost SEVERAL brain cells listening to their conversations.

By the time it was 7:30 a head count was done and over 350 people were in line to get tickets. Only 500 were available so I feel bad for the people at the end of the line…sorta. The line wrapped all the way down the shopping center it was insane!

Around 8:18 am I got my three tickets and three books of The Host. I can’t help It I am totally proud of myself!

Alright, I am going to go take a shower now and try to scrub all the nerdy-ness off me!

Drum Roll PLEASE...

Last week the topic at my work was your "Top Five". I am sure everyone has heard of this, or may even have a list of your own. The question is: If you are able to have a one night stand with anyone who would it be? Actually taking this question seriously, isn't as easy as it seems. I'm afraid the wheels in my little head have been turning ever since people started coming up with their own answers. After much deliberation I have found my top five...


#5 - Ewan McGregor





#4 Christian Bale





#3 Gerard Butler






#2 Justin Timberlake - DUH!





and the number ONE is...


Brad Pitt! Let's keep in mind that I am talking about "Interview with a Vampire" Brad... only back then and only in that movie! Not that fightclub/troy/Ocean's 11 were bad either. You know how I feel about the whole Vampire thing.




Meooow!

Backpacking through Southern Utah

Lets keep a few things in mind before I go on shall we?

Rachel’s Fears

Fear #1 Children (duh)

Fear #2 Old people

Fear #3 Relying on others

Fear #4 Road Trips (I always get sick)

This last weekend was an adventure to say the least. My dearest Trent was graduating at SUU, and being the dedicated friend/cousin that I am I drove out to see him. Here are where all the fears come into play because I had to address every single one! Friday I drove down with my dear G-ma, Aunt Sue, and her two CHILDREN. Those two fight and fight and fight no matter where you are at. I braved the unthinkable by being in the car for up to four hours with them. Luckily I suckered G-ma into letting me drive, I did want to be there by sundown after all. As soon as I got to Cedar I met up with Trent. I met his good friend Britney (I know she spells it different but I don’t know how) and another boy named…Landon? There were good times to be had venturing out into that very, VERY happening city. I love spending time with Trent no matter what I am doing, we always have fun. After having a “sleep over” at Britney’s I had my G-ma pick me up and take me to Trent graduation. Having slept only four hours or so I couldn’t keep my eyes open for the speakers. Afterwards I hitched a ride with Trent’s parents to St George, after watching father of the bride and trying to get some much needed shut eye, Ms. Tobler came to pick my butt up!

On a side note don’t you love it when you have to rely on everyone else to take you anywhere? Yeah, me too.

After spending the night with her and her family, it was time for sleep. This morning I woke up to getting ready to go to church. The last thing I want to do on my vacation is go to church, but since Tobler was my ride all I could do was bend to her wishes. I didn’t go to just one sacrament meeting oh no, I ended up going to TWO! Alas, I was able to make it going home, even if I did have to listen to church music the whole way home J.

Honestly, I really am grateful for the weekend I had. I learned a lot about myself and was actually glad everything turned out the way it did.

I do think that now I need another vacation after this last vacation.