Back to Square One

I've been avoiding doing this post - because if I don't write about it, thinking about it, talk about it, it wouldn't be happening... right?

 

My Mom has been back in the hospital for a week now.

I feel ashamed of myself. I not too long ago looked into my moms eyes and told her by Mothers day we would be planting flowers in her yard, now look where we are at. In almost the same place where we started. My faith and hope is starting to fade. I've been so cought up in my own life that I havent taken time out to help out my family. But I just don't know how. I feel so disconected from my family. Last night I was doing laundry and I had a question about how to do something when I froze in my tracks.

For the first time it really hit me that I couldn't just pick up the phone and ask my mom. We use to talk on the phone every other day or so and now I can't remember the last time that happened. In a way I feel like I've been living without my mom. That makes me sad. Not in a pathetic "my life is so hard" but that I feel horrible for my mom. I hate getting messages that say...

Please keep praying for Mom,

Love ya,

Ron

Breaks my heart every single time. I need to pray more. I need to pray morning, noon, and night. More then that. 

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.