It tears me apart that one of the last things you were worried about before you died was dad. Would he be able to ever take care of himself? Let alone your kids? You were always so worried about him and it broke your heart over and over again to see this happen. And I mean REALLY? Can you BELIEVE this is freaking happening to our family right now? You are dead and now Ron is in the hospital?
Can someone just come and put me out of my misery now? It's so cruel to keep hurting me like this.
I just want a break God dammit! I just want to stop worrying and stop being afraid and having confidence that things will work out and that I don't have to step up and try to be some thing I don't think I'm able to. What would you want me to do mom? What do you want me to do?
I'm not brave enough, or strong enough to go to that house and see my siblings. How fucked up is that? I'm so pathetic I can't even see my own family members. You would probably want me to visit them but I just can't, and I am so sorry. I'm honestly trying to do the best I can. I don't even know how to take care of myself right now let alone Matthew, Jonathan, and Alyssa. And mom my birthday is right around the corner! What a horrible birthday. Being 22 is already starting to be the worst year of my life. I want a new life. One where there isn't so much pain and suffering.
Well, you know the drill. They will keep him for at least five days. Who knows, maybe then he will get better? And step up and be a dad to the kids? Is that selfish for me to say? I just want to be a normal young adult! I'm not ready to take care of kids.
I want to be happy.
I love you. Help me and the family out ok?
- Rachel
6 comments:
Oh, Rachel, I'm so sorry all this is happening. It really does seem so unfair. I don't think you should feel bad at all for the way you feel. I know we're not really all that good of friends outside of blogging, but I'd hope you'd let me know if there was something I could do to ease your burden a little.
I hate that this is happening to you. You deserve much better.
OH NO!! What the hay? I can't believe it----I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers---you need a break!!
Hang in there, my dear....
Oh Rach! I don't even know what to say but that I'm sorry. I'm sorry all this is happening. I'm sorry that you're going through all of this, and that you feel alone in it all. You're not though. Although we haven't talked much besides refunds and all that crazy stuff know that I'm here for you. Know that so many other are too. We love you!
Rachel--
Know that I'm here for you if you ever need anything! Seriously, anything.
I hope everything turns out okay. If your siblings are anything like you, they're tough, and you shouldn't worry too much about them, though I know it's hard to not worry.
Please let me know if I can do anything to help you.
So sorry Rachel, so sorry. You DO deserve a break. I'll keep praying for one FOR you...
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