Dear Mom,

So, how are things going with you? What's it like where you are at? I often wonder where you are and if heaven makes you go to school so you can learn things us mere mortals could never understand. If it's anything like seminary then count me out! Send me to eternal darkness... just don't make me go through that again.

I talked with Becky today and she let me know dad is coming back home from the hospital today. I don't think we have your Ron back, but hopefully soon we will. I've spent time with the family lately, especially Jonathan. Can you believe how old he is getting? He goes by Jon now. That's an adjustment. Remember when I told you one day him and Matthew wouldn't want to be called that anymore? They would want to be called Jon and Matt? You about died when I said that. Sorry mom, it's already happening.

Anyway we went to visit dad this week and although I can tell he is still semi off his game, he is at least more stable then I thought he would be. Hopefully he got the "vacation" he needs to come and get his butt back in gear. Jon is such an amazing person. Even though he is only 14 years old he has more knowledge and depth then I do. I love hearing his perspective on things, and even though I'm eight years older then him, he makes me feel safe. Not just physically safe, but emotionally safe. I can't say that about everyone.

Matt and Alyssa are good too. They both spend a lot of time with their friends which is good. Alyssa is always spending time cuddling with Scotty (you and I so called them being an item). She won't admit it, but they are head over heals for each other.

I guess you could say I'm ok. I have ups and downs and last week was horrible, but I'm feeling better this week. When I close my eyes and try to imagine you, I see the old you. The beautiful you. The mom I had for 21 years. It's been a long time since I've seen you. I almost forgot what you looked like. I'm glad to have you back.

I think what is amazing about death is that, some how we live through it. We survive in this weird way I can't explain. I look around and I see you every where. There are always thoughts, and memories of us together I will never forget. Everyone always says "your mom will always be with you". As cheesy as it was (and mark my words mom, the next person that says that to me is going to get a knuckle sandwich) I know it's true. You are a part of me. I look like you, have your wit, and a sick sense of humor. Those traits will never leave, and thus the reason why you will always be with me.

I love you. Give God a high five for me alright?

-Rachel