Dear Mom,

I miss you. I simply can't say that enough. Last week literally felt like I was completely submerged in hell. I was at my wits end with all the stress in my life. It all came crashing down. I am so glad that week is over! This one was a lot better. I had a week off from school, so I hung out with some friends, and tried to get as much relaxing as I could. Next week I start a new quarter of school. One of my classes is the hardest class in the entire program, pharmacology. Yeah, I don't even want to think about it right now... ha ha. Wish me luck with that!

Things with Brandon and I are going well. We have are ups and downs, but it is mostly us learning how to interact with each other. It has almost been a year since our first date. Can you believe that? I have no idea where the year has gone. It doesn't feel like I've been dating a guy for that long again. Who would have thought after the entire Adam incident I'd date someone like this so quickly? You were the first person I told that I fell in love with Brandon this year. I also told you I was going to marry that guy someday, and to this day the statement only becomes more and more real.

The holidays are coming up this year, I think today when I visit the family I will get out your Halloween decorations and put them outside. I'm trying to make this holiday season as normal as possible. It's a bitter sweet thing because this is the first time I can fully enjoy the holidays with Brandon by my side, but in the same breath you won't be there. I wish he could see your shine during the holidays. It will probably take me years, or I may never get there, but I will always strive to make the holidays what you did. I want to carry on your traditions and make this as painless as possible. I'm hoping a positive attitude can get me through it all.

The family seems to be doing well too. Dad moved to Provo now for work. He is closer to the family, and I am grateful for that. Alyssa is living up her senior year as much as possible. I asked Brandon if he would take Alyssa's senior pictures, I know he will do a great job. I want to make sure she does pictures, because I know how badly you wanted me to do senior pictures (even though I never did... my bad). Jonathan is in band again and loving it. He looses himself in music, and he is just turning into this amazing man! I'm so proud of him. Matthew is doing pretty well in school, and is doing football still. He told me this week that it wasn't his favorite though. He made me laugh by telling me it's just a tricky way to get him to work out all the time. Oh well, he will figure things out.

I hope wherever you are you are happy. This weekend was conference weekend and I made sure to take some time out both yesterday and today to listen to what was needed to say. I find comfort in listening to the words from President Monson. He always knows how to keep my attention, and touch my heart.

I love you, visit me soon!

Love,

Rachel