Round Two

What a week. I'm starting to get to the point where I am scared to open my eyes the next morning. Each day gets worse with bad news.

Yesterday at work we had another corporate lay-off. I feel like I have to whisper this to people because it is some type of curse word.

Lay-off, fired, canned, "let go".

It sounds harsh even to my own ears. I immediately want to cover them and act like nothing bad is happening. However, to deny we are in horrible times would be a sick joke.

In march of 2008 XanGo had their first lay off since they opened their doors. I wasn't surprised by this to be honest. I knew the numbers, I knew things were getting tight. I was so stupid then to think that this company needed me. When I survived the entire fiasco I told myself I deserve to be here.

We went through a lot of changes and made it. We made it work when I thought for sure we were in the crapper. I saw a lot of good friends leave and become bitter over XanGo. I felt like I lost friendships simply over the fact that I was still here, and they were not.

Here we are - in the worst recession my generation or my parents generation have seen. For a company to stay alive they have to make changes. Yesterday I wanted to hide under my desk and pretend like I didn't see the boxes, the empty car lot, the tears. For the first time I really don't believe I am safe, or anyone is safe. Somehow I am just extremely lucky to still be standing.

Coming in to work today is like coming back to battle grounds and we are hear to pick up the pieces and do the best we can with what we have left. My heart goes out to the families who are affected by this. I hope they find bigger and better things to move on to.

I survived round two, but at this point I doubt I'll survive many more.