Tired of fighting.

You probably will not be able to relate to me on this, however I need to get it out of my system.

My entire life I have been surrounded by people who are gay. I've watched them cry, fight, rejoice, learn, hide, search, and die - all because they were different. Growing up in a strict Mormon city having a gay father was never easy. I was relentlessly teased. I was told I would one day grow up to be my father, that I would be gay, just like him. For a while sometimes I felt as though I was gay. Some type of weird outcast just because my views were different. I felt everyone should be treated equally, no matter who they ended up loving.

I then became angry. I was always the first one to defend gay people. I spoke out in school, church, even my own home over rights for people like my dad. Till the day I die I will always think gay people have the right to be married, to adopt, to be treated no different from other people. That will never change.

Today marks the 26th year Utah has been celebrating gay pride. A three day event, filled with booths, parades, food, music, dance - and a lot of gay citizens. As soon as I was old enough to understand the entire concept, I was there. Every year. Usually next to my dad and fellow friends and family showing my support for something I felt was right.

I did not go this year.

I'm done. Burnt out. Tired. Washed up. I've been fighting over something for so long that really isn't even a battle of my own. I now realize that every year gay pride gets worse. I don't feel the same energy and excitement when I go. I don't look into the eyes of people who are looking for change, for acceptance. Now I see people trying hard to be even more over the top then last year. Figuring out new ways to shock and awe the non believers.

How is walking around in your underwear with glitter rubbed all up and down your body going to get you any closer to your goal of equal rights? I don't think talking with a lisp, wearing daisy duke shorts, or even having great style is going to get you more respect.

Today I may not being wearing rainbow colored beads around my neck. I may not be throwing pennies into the gay flag to help with finding the cure to AIDS. I may not be watching the guest speaker talk about how gay people are no different then everyone else.

Today I am sitting at home, right along with the other gay people who seem to be forgotten. The ones that really don't need a parade, a festival, a protest. The ones that are sad to see the stereotypical assumption about gay people be justified by everyone else just by watching the news. Not every gay person is wearing their daisy dukes, their body glitter, their fairy wings - just to be noticed.

Today, I am fighting for them.