Something Positive.

I'm tired about writing such negative things. So, I thought I'd share with you the last 24 hours of my life, which have been more positive then negative.

I got a phone call from my dad Ron towards the end of work yesterday. He called to see how I was doing and we just talked. At first it started off with me crying a lot and telling him all of my worries. Then he told me the story of how my mom and dad Craig ended their relationship and what the divorce was like for her. You'd think that would just make me sad, but for some strange reason it didn't. As Ron was telling me the story I had this overwhelming calmness almost like a reassurance that what he was telling me was the truth, and probably the exact same way my mom would tell me the story as well. I felt safe, which is something I haven't felt in ages it seems like. I also think it was good for my dad to tell the story. I know from experience sometimes you just want someone to listen to you and that's all. I hope I did that for him.

After that talk I started to think about how I felt and some of the things we talked about. They always say once you hit rock bottom you can only go up from there. I'm pretty sure that is where I'm at now. I have hope that if I could have made it through the last week and a half I could handle what is to come in the next weeks. I've thought that because my mom died, so did our relationship with each other. I'm starting to think now that it doesn't. I'm thinking that there is a way for my mom and I to communicate. I have no idea how that happens or what to do to get there, but I think it is possible. I can still ask her for advice, and although my answer won't be as easy to get or understand I can get an answer from her. At this point she knows so much more then I do and I want to be able communicate with her. I just have to learn how to listen. Just like when Ron calls to talk to me and just wants to tell me a story about Mom.

And there you have it. I'm trying to work on my relationship with Mom and my family. I'm trying to re-build myself. Hopefully to something better then I was before. You need moments in life like this that could make or break you. How else would you find out what really is important to you in life? I'm also trying to work things out with God. Let me tell you, it isn't easy. Every day little by little him and I are working it out.

I feel as though at this point in life I only have two choices. Let this consume me, or learn and grow from it. And right now I'm ready to grow and understand.