I am completely burnt out right now. Burnt out and numb. Every once in a while I get in these funks. I have no idea why I have them or where they come from but trying to shake it off is a harder then I thought. It's hard to explain exactly how I feel. Maybe lack of motivation? Life just seems to be passing me by, and I really don't care. All I do is...
wake up
drive to work
work
drive home
drive to school
learn
drive home from school
sleep
and repeat.
I do actions and don't even know I'm doing them. I will be driving in the car day dreaming about something and then I snap back into reality and realize I've driven probably five miles and have no idea how I switched lanes or got to where I am at. I also can't remember what I was just previously day dreaming about.
What's going on here? I'm being a horrible friend, horrible sister, horrible daughter, and especially a horrible girlfriend. I've seen Brandon twice in an entire week (granted I was gone for four days in Las Vegas). Who DOES that? What kind of girlfriend almost falls off the face of the earth? I know that my lack of conversation skills makes people worried about me, but I have nothing to talk about. I don't even know what I day dream about that keeps me so occupied all the time.
Has ANYONE else felt this way?
I was told from an amazing sociologist once that you can never be two things at once. For example - you can't be a mother and a wife at the exact time. You have to separate them and consciously think about switching from one to another. I think I'm just stuck being "student" and "work" Rachel. So thats about where I am at right now. I'm hoping this weekend can give me the right shove I need to get on track and be happy fun loving Rachel.
Time will tell.
5 comments:
AH sometimes when I'm driving I do that! Then I have a quick moment of panic going 'how the heck did I get here? Was the light green or did I just go?' your not alone!
Nobody is happy and fun loving all the time. You just have to flow with it. :)
I definitely feel that way sometimes too... especially I've been a bad fiancé lately-- poor Neal! I'm just a grumpster. BUT I also think it's fine to be in a funk sometimes.... don't beat yourself up about it!
You must have left the REAL Rachel in Las Vegas----but it stays there, right?
Heh, heh.
Hope you come back soon.
K, so this is just a TINY bit late, but you make complete sense. Sometimes you just gotta wind down or something. Regroup. Whatever. Life takes a lot of energy sometimes. The people who really matter understand breaks are in order every now and then. And don't worry. Happy, fun loving Rachel shall return when she's ready. "This too shall pass," eh? =)
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